Fashion Models:
Me

I do love a pair of 3" high-heeled shoes.

I love Waitress-Red lipstick.

I have my nails done every two weeks - filed and buffed to acrylic perfection.

I wear my hair poofed up as big as it will go and then spray it with a ton of hairspray - BIG HAIR!

I wear rings on 4 fingers - sometimes 6 or seven and I wear earrings - the bigger and gaudier - the better.

I wear necklaces and bracelets and belts that dangle and shine!

I like polka-dots and bright pink and teal. I love RED!

I wear Obsession, Safari, Dune, Anais Anais and Tresor - on my neck, in my hair and up my skirt.

I like flowers on my dresses and skirts that flow all the way to the floor.

I like sandals in every style and color.

I like Rhinestones!

I like sequins.

I like pearls and diamonds and gold.

I like gems and feathers and beads and crystals - if it dangles or shimmers - I want it on the front of my shirt, on my shoes or purse or jeans.

I wear make-up.

I like bras and matching panties.

I like purses and bags and clutches.

I know what all these things say about me ...

They say ...

That I am a GIRLY GIRL!

What I don't know is ...

What ...

LOVING ...

This ----

Says ...

About me??

But ...

I LOVE THIS SHOW!

I HAVE WATCHED EVERY EPISODE AND I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE ... THIS SHOW!

I love the theme song ...

I love the boats and crab ...

I love the dirty, foul-mouthed, rotten toothed, crab-fishing - GUYS ...

I love everything about this show!

On the upside ... It says something about me - I'm just not sure what. But ... I often change into my black and red polka dot, silk pajamas, crawl under the sheets and down comforter of my nice cozy bed, fluff the pillow behind my head of BIG HAIR ... and I am swept quickly out to sea, to the deck of a crab boat, in the arctic sea ... watching these men fish for crab.

I have loved Dallas and Knots Landing, I have loved Star Trek, I have loved Seinfeld and I have loved Sex And The City! Right now ... I love THE DEADLIEST CATCH!

It feels like I have been away forever!
I fell sick at the end of March (March 20th) and was in the hospital for 9 days with phenomena. Upon returning home, I was still in a recovery mode for several weeks. I missed Easter, my son's birthday and my twin daughter's birthday's. We are all still trying to catch up from my unexpected illness.

Then ... my husband and I took off for our long-planned vacation a week ago and returned yesterday afternoon. It was a nice relaxing week, but I have not been home for most of the last month and I definitely feel a bit out of touch with my children, family and friends and ... with my blog.

For those of you curious as to where we went on vacation - my husband and I and 10 friends went on a fabulous cruise to Jamaica, Grand Cayman and Cozumel. It was wonderful to relax with my husband and we enjoyed our trip very much. We ate too much. We slept often (nice afternoon naps). We bathed in the sun daily. We shopped. We swam in turquoise colored oceans. We laughed and we laughed and we laughed. It was marvelous.

I am home now.

I have much catching up to do and I hope to visit all of my bloggy friends just a soon as possible to see what is going on with everyone.

I have missed you!

Thanks to everyone for the nice vacation wishes and also for the birthday wishes. I enjoyed celebrating my birthday on the ship with our wonderful friends and with my sweet husband.

I hope you ALL have been well!

I look forward to visiting everyone this week!!

Alexis snuck past me and rummaged through the miscellaneous note cards and greeting cards I keep in the special drawer of my dresser.

"I need one of your cards, Mom - it's for someone special."

She picked out one, hid it under her shirt and scurried back out of my room.

I didn't think much about this event as Alexis often steals my cards to give to her bus driver or her teacher or some friend at school.

Alexis has a good heart and often searches for cards to give to people that she loves.

"I love you Mom and thank you for giving birth to me XXXXOOOO

Hugs & Kisses"

"Love from aka Alexis"

"For to aka Mom"

"I never want you to die"

"Mom you are the best mom I've known since I was born. Thank you for everything in my life."

I'm so lucky to have such wonderful children.

I'm so lucky that Alexis loves me.

I will not be making dinner.

I will not be making lunches.

I will not be giving baths or picking out clothes for school.

I will not be picking up toys or breaking up arguments or sweeping floors.

I will not be folding clothes or cleaning toilets or sinks or windows.

Starting tomorrow ...

I will be on vacation with my husband ...

Without any children (*stands and does a little happy dance beside her desk*) ...

For a week ...

Relaxing and resting ...

Without any children (*stands and does a little happy dance up and down the hallway*) ...

With really good friends ...

With really good food and beautiful scenery ..

With colorful drinks with flowers and umbrella's in them ...

It is going to be ...

Simply ...

Glorious!!

Glorious!!!

Did I mention the no-children part (*stands and does a little happy dance all throughout the house - with arms raised and waving in the air above her head and a smile on her face so big she looks downright stupid*).

See you when I get back!

If I have too much time on my hands ...

Sometimes ...

I will find some of these ---

And then I will run to the bathroom ....

Lock the door ....

Stick my head under the faucet ...

Wet my hair ....

And then ...

Run to the mirror ....

And ....

Cut my hair off!

I do.

I've been known to do it.

I've done it many times.

I guess I had too much time on my hands on Tuesday.

Because ....

I found a pair of these ...

Ran fast to my bathroom ...

Locked the door ...

Stuck my head under the faucet ...

Got my hair wet ...

Ran over to the mirror ...

And ...

CUT ALL MY HAIR OFF!

This is what I looked like on Monday ...

And ....

This is what I look like now ...

I do this nearly every year.

I grow my hair out over the winter and then ...

I cut it off before summer!

What do you think?

Be nice - I can't change it back until winter comes.

Hosted by Cecily and Mama Geek

Boy, do my kids love books.

I have read many a children's book over the past 16 years.

I've read to Courtney.

I've read to Chloe.

I've read to Little Billy.

I've read to Alexis.

Courtney has read to her Mama.

Chloe has read to her Mama.

Little Billy has read to his Mama.

Alexis is still reading a lot to her Mama.

Alexis came to my room the other evening. "Read to me, Mama," she said.

I smiled into her sweet little face.

I wrinkled my nose.

I said ...

"Sorry, Babe. Tonight I'm readed to ... ME. Now get on outta here."

I got SUCKED into Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series a little less than a month ago. I am nearly done. This is the last book and I am about 3/4 of the way through. I have thoroughly enjoyed this series and already feel the withdrawal symptoms creeping in - I don't want it to be over. But, it will be over, soon.

So ... I searched my twins' book collection and have found a few more books I plan to read once I finish Twilight.

This is my nightstand.

I'm on a reading roll.

It's been so long since I've wanted to read - for me - you know.

Now I'm hooked again.

On the upside ... I always take time to read to my kids, but lately I am reading ... to ME! Alexis might just have to go find her daddy.

-

So ... I've told you that I'm writing a novel (here and here) - and BOY am I in the zone!! Writing day and night! Okay - not all night.

But ...

Did I mention ...

I'm also reading again!

Yes - I had put off reading the same way I had put off writing and I just hadn't read at all in a long while.

And ..

Let me first say ...

I'm reading for pleasure.

I'm reading to unwind.

I'm reading to escape.

I'm reading ...

TWILIGHT!

I know ...

I'm a little late to the dance ...

But, I'm reading it and ...

Yes ...

What about you? Have you read Twilight? Did you like Edward?

Come on - tell me I'm not the only mom-type with vampire fantasies.

Thanks so much for all the wonderfully positive and supportive comments on yesterday's post!

I am now at 63,463 words, 217 pages and ...

I am almost finished!

Just so you know - I am aiming at 75,000 words and 250 double spaced pages, but as it stands right now it will be a bit longer than that in order to wrap the story up the way I want.

This is just my first draft and what I did is take the advise of many writers and have just written this story from beginning to end without much editing. I have edited some as I have gone along, but it is likely going to take months to get this manuscript into a good final draft.

I had a few comments where people mentioned that I sound excited and so happy and ... it's true. I am excited that the timing has been so perfect for me to dedicate so much time to writing and happy that I feel so positive about the story I have written and so enjoyed the process.

It has gone quickly (I don't do anything slowly), but it has also been a pleasurable experience; developing the characters has come easy, following the twists and turns in the story has been exciting, realizing the story was waiting to be written because it just flowed out of me almost effortlessly - it's been a truly rewarding and exciting experience.

Like I said in my last post - this novel does not yet have a title, but I am working on it. I have involved Courtney and Chloe (my twin daughters) a lot in the writing of this book and they have been enormously helpful, inspirational and a creative input through the process. They are determined to help me come up with a most excellent title and I am counting on them for their ideas. They have also informed me that they will be doing the art for the book's cover (as they are both extremely talented and creative artists)and I quickly agreed (I just love that they believe in me enough to see a cover in the future for this novel - tee hee).

This novel is not the book I believed I would be writing when I started this process a few months ago. I was swayed tremendously by Courtney and Chloe's suggestions and enthusiasm and decided to venture in a new direction and I'm glad I did. It's not the best story ever conceived and it's not the best writing ever put to paper, but I feel positive about it's potential and proud I've followed it through.

Once I finish the first draft completely (hopefully by this weekend), Courtney and Chloe have asked to read it all the way through. I am counting on their advise and input to clean up and/or develop the story more thoroughly and also anxious to see if they like it (I told them that they had to say "I loved it" - if they did and they just rolled their eyes). They read the first 3 chapters early on, but then I told them I didn't want them to read it anymore until it was done. They know a lot about the premise of the story and have even offered some great ideas and twists towards the plot, but not read it all the way through. These are 2 girls that have been reading (and writing themselves) since they were 4 years old. They LOVE to read and I am depending on their love of books and writing to help guide this story.

I will be telling you more about my novel soon, but for now I am just going to finish it. I just wanted to say that I really appreciate your support.

What do you think my novel is about? Do you have any guesses?

-

Oh, I know - I haven't been around at all lately.

I've been busy with so many things, like kids' school stuff, PTA stuff, building a new room on our house stuff, spring cleaning stuff - you know - all that stuff that keeps us all busy in our everyday lives.

And then ...

As if I don't have enough to do ...

I mentioned to you a while back that I was inspired to do this.

Well ...

My family knows me well enough to take a threat like this seriously ...

My friends that know me well enough probably believe that I have lost my mind, but eventually began to realize that I was probably not joking ...

I had no doubt I would do it as ... I was inspired and totally determined ...

Yes ...

It involved numerous tedious approaches ...

I started over more than once ...

I actually was beginning to wonder if I could really funnel my creative energy and direct most of it in this one direction ...

But ....

I am doing it!

I am at 57,100 words, 193 pages and ...

I think it's a pretty darn good story.

I don't have a title yet but ...

It will come.

And ...

When it does and ...

When I am through ...

Finished editing draft after draft ...

I will let you know.

As a matter of fact ...

I am seriously considering ...

Seriously considering ...

Redesigning and redefining my other blog (On The Flipside) in order to ...

Publish excerpts from my book.

I think it might be something like:

On The Flipside

On The Upside I write what is real ...

On The Flipside ... I write what isn't.

I know there are some of you that could probably care less that I am writing a novel and that's okay ...

For those of you that are interested ...

For those of you that are curious ...

For those of you that want to follow this very important journey in my life ...

Stay tuned.

I am PUMPED! *Have you ever seen that funny commercial - maybe Direct TV - where the woman is jogging in her business suit telling the other runners that she just got digital/direct TV or something - at the end she says, "I AM PUMPED" - what commercial is that? It's so funny!) - Sorry, got sidetracked there for a minute.*

NO - I haven't had my nails done in weeks and I haven't had my roots touched up since Christmas and ... YES I linger far too long in the mornings in my pajamas - SO WHAT ...

I AM WRITING AGAIN!

-

*Throws head back and laughs*

Okay ... I'm already a bit hard to live with.

But ...

It's likely going to get worse.

Why?

Because ...

I am writing again!

I know - I've been writing here On The Upside and over there On The Flipside and even more on mySA ... but, it's not the writing I speak of?

I do love all of this writing.

It is fun!

It does take a lot of thought and words and sentences and paragraphs and grammar and punctuation marks!

I have invested so much time and effort into blogging - I love to write and it has given me a place to stretch my creativity and explore lots of different ways to write about motherhood - about my kids - about my family.

But ...

It is not the sort of writing I did before I started blogging. It is non-fiction and it is non-fiction story-telling. I have loved it and would never give it up, but ...

I am writing again!

Fiction.

Another novel.

Yes - I have written several novels. None of which are good enough to publish, but I have been inspired and so ...

I am writing again!

If I had invested all the time and energy and words I have invested in writing and publishing all of my blog posts - I suppose I could have written at least 2 novels by now. Not that I would trade that time and energy spent blogging - in creating and taking care of my blogs - I wouldn't. But ... I think I have it in me - a novel. A really good novel. So ...

I am writing again!

I know ... this is awfully presumptuous of me - me thinking I could ever possibly write a novel. Well ... I've written several (3 to be exact) novels - so I know I can do it. Now ... all I have to do is write one worth publishing. That's my goal. Right here, in the middle of my life, when I have more on my plate than any human being could possibly manage realistically and successfully ...

I am writing AGAIN!

So, you might ask, where did all this sudden burst of energy come from? Why now? What has triggered this sudden urge to write again? Well ...

I read a blog post on one of my favorite blogs recently that inspired me in such a way that after I read it I went straight to my desk, sat down, started organizing my thoughts over several days and, well ... I am into Chapter 2 and ...

I am WRITING AGAIN!

I have not written anything (aside from blog posts) in over a year. I haven't had the time, really, nor the desire. I guess it is because blogging has given me so much satisfaction and the writing has been so fun and productive that I haven't had time to think about fiction or consider taking the time to write anything.

My family will continue to come first ...

I will do my best to keep up with all of my responsibilities ...

I will continue to write and keep up with my blogs (and ENJOY it) ...

I am completely certain that I am going to be hard to live with ... because ...

I AM WRITING AGAIN!!!

From the blog post that so inspired me, "There will be a last time. Nothing lasts. Each and every time is propped against the last time. The present is made of all gone things."

Black Hockey Jesus (the writer of the wonderful post: Last) inspired me with not only his writing, but his words. He writes brilliantly (go on - go over to his blog, The Wind In Your Vagina, and read some of his great stories) and so often, when I read a great post that someone has written (and I've read hundreds that are truly great!) - like this one he wrote - I am inspired. And this post - this writer - just happened to trigger that thing in me that said - You need to write - get on with it - before it is too late.

Wish me luck?

Wish my family luck!

I am going to be hard to live with ...

-

Hosted by Cecily and Mama Geek

It's true ----

I have lots of shoes.

I have shoes in just about every color.

I have flat shoes and tall shoes ...

I have lots of ... tall shoes.

And ... I have boots.

I have tons of boots - in brown leather and black leather and off white and tan and red and leopard print. Lots of boots.

I have shoes in polka dots and checks.

I have shoes adorned with rhinestones and sequins and gems.

I have not worn all the shoes I have.

There ---

I said it.

I buy them and sometimes I don't ever even wear them.

Like these purple shoes:

I bought these shoes last year for $10.00. I've never worn these purple shoes anywhere, but I had to buy them because ... they were only $10.00!

I have to say - these shoes don't look too awful bad in these photos, but in real life - they look like elf shoes. The toes are an odd point and the bows are tweed.

I have yet to wear these purple elf shoes, but ... I'm still keeping them - you never know when or where I might wear them.

I think shoes definitely make an outfit and can tell you an awful lot about a person.

(These are my Queen shoes - I wear them with my furs, diamonds and tiara - hee hee).

I LOVE these shoes. I also have them in black.

I am one of those people that you never know what shoes I might be wearing.

I am honestly toooo old to be wearing some of the shoes I choose to wear - but - I don't care - I still wear them.

I'm also probably toooo un-cool to be wearing some of the shoes I try to pull off - I don't care - I still wear them.

Then - there are those shoes I think are cool - that really aren't - and, my kids don't hesitate to let me know how lame they are.

I wear some shoes - honestly - that have way more personality than I do!

I do like shoes.

I have said it before - I do not have enough places or opportunities to ever wear all the shoes I own and yet ... I keep all of them and ... continue to bring home more shoes to add to my collection. One day ... my shoe closet is going to be so heavy that I am afraid it might just fall right through the floor into the garage below.

When that happens ...

I'll have to walk all the way downstairs ...

To get my shoes.

-

I know - I haven't posted in a few days and I have had several e-mails asking where I am. It's not like me to go days without posting and visiting.

Do you see this cat and his bad hair? That's exactly the way I feel - and look - lately.

Frazzled!

I have a very dear aunt that has been diagnosed with a terminal illness and I love her so much and can barely handle the idea of all she is going through and the thought of losing her. My heart is overwhelmed with sadness - for myself - for her family - for my mother. My mother left over the weekend to be with her sister in Indiana. Your prayers would be most appreciated.

My kids. As most of you know, I have two teenagers in high school, a son just starting middle school (6th grade) and little Alexis in 2nd grade. They are all going in a million different directions and I am right there with them - trying to keep up and trying my best to help them with their studies and activities. Not to mention my obligations on the PTA board and the committees I am involved with.

I have a bad cold and am miserable.

My house is in serious need of a thorough spring cleaning that I never got around to doing - in the spring! And so ... I've been cleaning closets - ugh! My yard has also been neglected and so I am spending some time cleaning up flower beds and trimming shrubs.

My cowboy husband - well ... let's just put it this way - we have not danced much lately!

I have got to take a little time away from blogging. Not only because of the stresses in my life right now, but because I need a break. I doubt it will be a long break, as I can't seem to stay away too long - but, for as long as it takes to de-frazzle some of the stress and chaos going on in my life!

I have drafted a post for Photo Story Friday and plan to publish it on Friday - if you would like to come back and read it. It's a little silly, but I got to practice using my Canon to take the photos for the story and ... to support MamaGeek and Cecily - whom I love - I plan to go ahead and publish that story (it's titled, Interview With A Flat Girl).

Thanks so much to all of those that were concerned and checked in on me by leaving comments or sending e-mails - I really appreciate it! Take care and I'll see you soon.

I've mentioned before that I am a ... list maker.

Lots of lists.

Lots of stuff to do.

One of the mental lists I have going right now in my head is the Kellan Needs To Do List.

It is different from my other To-Do lists in that it has only to do with those things I know I need to START doing or those things I need to STOP doing - you know. Like how I need to stop saying the word sh*t every time I drop something. That has been on my Kellan Needs To Do List --- for YEARS!

Still doin' it!

Need to STOP!

So ...

Currently on my Kellan Needs To Do List is ...

• I need to START getting up earlier in the mornings.
  
• I need to STOP being so fat.
  
• I need to START walking.
  
• I need to STOP eating so many daggum RED HOTS!

So ...

In an attempt to address all of these current issues - try to get myself to get moving and motivated to address these problems ...

I went ...

SHOPPING.

I went to ROSS.

I got up early ...

Skipped breakfast and left my jar and bags of RED HOTS at home, and ...

I WALKED all over that store!

Okay ...

I did buy some sneakers ...

You know ...

For walking (*Kellan's heart begins to race at the sheer thought of actually ever having to go on a real walk - for exercise - *gasp* - *shortness of breath* - *gasp*).

After I bought my new pair of tennies ... I went back and bought me another pair.

Now, I have two pairs ...

Of brand spanking new KEDS.

I do love a brand spanking new, really white, clean new leather - pair of tennies. I do love KEDS. I got a deal on these KEDS at Ross and could not resist buying a second pair.

Now, they are beautiful and they are clean and fit really well, but ...

These KEDS are NOT made for walking!

I know that.

I know that these are not proper walking footwear attire.

These are not walking sneakers.

I don't care!

They are cute.

And ...

I am not investing in a pair of serious walking shoes until ...

I actually begin to ...

WALK!

For now ...

I am walkin' around in my KEDS.

I put them on my feet and walk everywhere in them - see ...

Here I am - walkin' around my room.

Here I am - walkin' from my bedroom out onto my deck.

Here I am in my car on the way to the dentist office.

Here are me an my KEDS arriving at the dentist office.

Here we are in the dentist office waiting room - me and Alexis and my new KEDS!

One day ...

I might actually walk away from my house ...

Into the neighborhood ...

Down roads and paths and sidewalks and ...

I might even work up a bit of a stride.

A bit of a sweat.

Maybe even work on my form.

*tee hee - Kellan begins to work up a sweat just thinking about ... working up a sweat*

On the upside ... I'm working on it! I'm taking baby steps - in my KEDS. What I really need to do next is ... just get out there and go walking *gasp*. Or ... better yet --- go shopping again. Put on those pretty new, white KEDS, walk out to my car, drive across town to Marshalls, walk right in and and buy myself some cute new ... walking clothes.

*hear off in the distance the entire On The Upside family laughing their heads off*

Remember in May - when I was on TV?

Remember?

That interview I did on one of our local morning television shows ?

It was a good interview - I thought.

I enjoyed it.

I was famous - for a whole hour - here in my home city.

Well ...

I guess word is getting around ...

I guess it was only a matter of time ...

That I would one day ...

Be contacted by a prime-time television show!

YES - I was.

Yes - it came in the form of an e-mail from a producer of the CBS show - inviting me to consider being a ...swap-ie.

I won't name the title of the show - as I am not sure I am supposed to because ...

I declined.

It's really ...

THE LAST THING I NEED!

For the whole nation to sit down, turn on their televisions and ...

See me ...

Shipped off to some other lady's house in maybe - Iowa ... and have her shipped into mine!

For the whole nation to tune in to see ...

Me ... slopping pigs or milking cows ...

Or ...

Driving a tractor or bailing hay on a family farm.

All the while ... the mom-replacing-me would be showin' the world ...

All those cars sitting in my driveway ...

Hear stories about how we find dead deer in our pool and how the father of the On The Upside household lasso's the deer, loads it into a wheel barrel and carts it off into the woods and dumps the poor thing - with his little redneck son by his side.

For the whole nation to come into my house and witness the fact that my children take baths only every few days or so and farther between ... if they have been swimming.

For the whole nation to look inside my laundry room and SEE those baskets of white socks that I am NEVER going to match up. That I just go out and buy new socks ... so I don't have to do this duty!

For the whole nation to see that I allow my forth child to eat rotten fruit.

For the whole nation to see that I have more shoes than I have places I will ever where so many shoes - to!

For the whole nation to hear about how I rely on our neighbors to castrate our cats.

For the whole nation to hear and possibly even see how the youngest On The Upside girl - only 7 years old - is allowed to wear little-girl-make-up.

For the whole nation to hear how the mother of the On The Upside family is sometimes so preoccupied that she will agree to most anything.

For the whole nation to see and hear how the boy child is destined to be a carnie.

For the whole nation to see how the On The Upside mother sometimes tells the small daughter that armadillo tails are really unicorn horns.

For the whole nation to find out that the only reason we go to church is because the 7 year old wakes the entire On The Upside household with LOUD SCREAMS on Sunday mornings - to go church - like the loudest church bell you have ever heard.

For the whole nation to see how the On The Upside kids sometimes wear their pajamas all day long, stay up way too late at night and have to fix themselves bowls of Captain Crunch cereal for lunch.

Oh, yes ... and for the whole nation to learn about the cowboy ghost that lives in our upstairs hallway.

For the whole nation to come into my house and learn that ... while I do help run my husband's electrical contracting business, maintain and run a household, monitor and chauffeur and feed and clothe and teach and raise - 4 children and 2 dogs and 2 cats and ... volunteer on the board of the PTA and in the school's of my children, and ... live a very busy life of cleaning and shopping and paying bills and running here and there ... that I also ... spend some of my time BLOGGING!

Nooooooooo ...

I don't need the whole nation to learn these things.

See these things.

Hear about these things.

I declined.

I just couldn't imagine any good coming from me being shipped off to some other family's house to - take care of and feed their children or interact with a strange man I would likely not like near as well as I like my own.

I could not imagine any good coming from my children being introduced to a potentially nicer mother or a woman that might influence them to believe that things are not being done correctly 'round here!

NOPE!

I declined.

If I'm going to be featured on a reality TV show ...

I'm holding out for ...

SURVIVOR!

I figure I have way more experience and years of useful covert tactics to tackle a show like that! And ... the worst things I might be expected to do is eat some bugs or sleep in the jungle with some snakes or some monkeys. I'm already living in a house full of monkeys and ... I've known worse things than eating bugs. *It's raising children and pleasin' husbands I'm not so great at!*

Or maybe ... Extreme Makeover!

I'd be open to Ty Pennington coming down here to Texas ...

He doesn't even have to build me a new house ...

He can build me a bookcase - I'll just stand there and help him for an hour and ... wipe the sweat off his brow ...

On the upside ... Maybe one day they'll be tripping over themselves just to get at me (tee hee). Right now - all I got is this blog and that other blog. The first of which my littlest daughter still on occasion calls ... On The Outside. I keep telling her, "It's ON THE UPSIDE - UPSIDE!" *sigh*

I haven't been around much! I'm sorry.

We have all been busy and I am no busier than all of you - I know! I just want you to know that I have read all of your nice comments over the past several days and appreciate each and every one!

This starting school is kicking my butt! I am just trying to do too much - now that the kids are gone all day - going in too many directions. I need to slow down. I've put that on my to-do list!

Hope you all are having a good week! Please come back tomorrow - I have a cute post about Little Billy. That kids cracks me up!

You know I will be around to see you soon - promise!

When I was a young girl ...

I was never very tall.

I was skinny and small.

I didn't have particularly great hair.

I didn't have particularly clear skin.

I didn't have gorgeous long legs or fluffy long eyelashes.

I was normal.

And ...

Flat chested.

Oh ... not as flat as some, but ...

A lot flatter than I would have liked.

I often wore padded bras.

I often did chest exercises ---

We must ...
We must ...
We must ...
Increase our ...
BUST!

You know the one!

Also ...

I often ...

Stuffed my bra with ...

TOILET PAPER!

Nothing really helped.

I still KNEW I was flat chested.
I still KNEW I had no boobies.
I still WANTED ...

BIGGER ...

ROUNDER ...

BOOBS!

When I grew up ---

I had 4 babies.

Still ---

A bit larger, but ...

Not BIG ENOUGH!

I'm now into my 40's.

I have boobies now.

Now what I want is ...

To get rid of these ...

Always-in-my-way-makin'-me-look-fatter-than-I-really-am-attract-my-husband-way-more-often-than-I-myself-am-actually-ever-really-interested-in-sex ... JUGS!

On the upside ... I know I can't do it - but, if I could ... I'd go back in time and tell my 13 year old self to ...

STOP DREAMING! DON'T SPEND THE MONEY! When you get to be 40 something - you won't care quite as much and ... you really need to consider buying yourself a sporty convertible instead because ... you will never believe it, but ... you will be TRAPPED driving a VAN for 16 years or more, hauling 4 kids from here to kingdom come and ... no matter what you do ... those big ol' boobs will not look cool or sexy or VOLUPTUOUS ... in the sweats and t-shirts you wear most often and they will NEVER look HOT ... in a BIG BLUE VAN!

(*They will look pretty darn good at the lake, though - in a picture your youngest daughter takes of your boobs ... instead of your face*)

*Note - To those new readers that have come to my site to read this post through Stumble Upon - welcome! And ... thanks for coming by. While you are here ... I hope you will take time to read some of my other posts - I'd love to share my stories with you. If you like my site - please subscribe to my site in your reader, as I post new stories daily and would be honored if you came back again . I'd also appreciate a thumbs up on this post if you liked it - thanks - Kellan