The last time I was here was in March - it was Spring Break.
It was during that time that I became suddenly sick on March 20th and was taken by ambulance from the lake to our home in San Antonio - I had pneumonia and low blood pressure and I was septic. I was in the hospital for 9 days.
I am glad to be over that bout of illness and I am glad to be back at this place that I love so much.
It is supposed to be beautiful and hot this weekend. We plan to do lots of boating and fishing and swimming. I am looking forward to a fun weekend with my family.
Hopefully, I will have some good pictures to share with you, as the weekend goes along.
Sweet baby Tuesday lost her battle with cancer yesterday. She was only two years old (a twin) and if you have time please go over and offer kind words and prayers for this family that is going through a very difficult time. The site name is Go Blog Yourself.
Also, please remember to keep Angie and Brian in your prayers and take a moment to go over and offer your support as well at Keep Believing. In my sidebar there is a Keep Believing button where you can also go to a wonderful site that has been created (http://keepbelievingfund.blogspot.com/) to help support Angie and Brian through donations. Whatever you can contribute will surely help and be greatly appreciated. Please consider displaying this button in your sidebar to help spread the word (you will find the code for the button over at the site).
It was a drizzly morning and I had just come out of the door of my daughter's school.
I stepped out into the rain and crossed the street.
Walking towards me, across the parking lot, was a man and a tiny little girl.
He was holding her hand.
As they moved closer, I noticed her dark curly hair fluffed around her tiny face, peeking out the sides of her red hooded jacket. She didn't look old enough to walk.
I smiled at the man.
I passed the small girl.
Suddenly ... from behind me, I heard her say, "I'ths wainin' ta-day."
I turned back.
She was pulling on her daddy's hand and straining her body so she could turn around in my direction.
I stopped.
I looked into her sweet little face and I said, "Yes it is. It's raining today."
And ... they went on into the school.
I was immediately taken with this tiny child. I don't know how old she was - maybe 2, but she was very little and I was surprised by the words that came out of her mouth. That she had the words. That I understood the words.
I loved how she was determined to make herself known - to make herself heard. I loved how she had chosen me to interact with and that she was ... interacting with the world. This very tiny girl.
I felt honored.
I heard her voice today.
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Please go over and check out my friend Courtney's post that she wrote today on this same subject - it's a great post!
We are driving home on a beautiful Saturday afternoon from my son's football game. I am in my usual jovial mood (*evil mother laugh*).
In the rear seats of my van are my son, my daughter and my niece.
I decide, as I often do, to strike up a conversation with my carpool passengers, as a way to pass the time and so I say, "Little Billy, what position do you play?" Something I should know, of course, but don't, as I have never asked (I'm such a good Mom).
He sort of mumbles something that I can not hear.
So ... I ask again, "Do you know what position you play, Son?"
Again, he doesn't answer so that I can make out what he is saying. And so I ask once again.
He wiggles around in his seat, looks at my eyes in the rear view mirror and he says, "Left - something," in a huff, and goes back to looking out the window.
Thanks so much, Son, for engaging in meaningful conversation - that's all I needed to know (left-something - ACK!).
In the very rear of the van sit my female carpool passengers - the lovely little girls.
My daughter suddenly yells up to the carpool driver, "Cousin is mad because she's got sparkles on her hand."
I look back at them in my rear view mirror and hold my breath.
There is an obnoxiously loud groan and then Cousin screams, "I don't LIKE SPARKLES!"
Daughter screams back, getting very close to Cousin's face, "THEY ARE JUST STINKIN' SPARKLES!," at the top of her lungs.
Cousin begins to cry.
And then ... the Happy Fairy flew right out the back window of our car... taking all of her sparkles with her.
On the upside ... Next time I will just know better than to allow these children to play outside on a beautiful Fall day with the sun shining and the breeze blowing - with their friends on the ball field and their little bag of snacks and juice boxes ... Next time I will just know better and keep them locked up in the house ... chained to the TV.
... you need to stop talking so much and listen to what I have to say ... you should be nicer to your brother ... you should try harder in school ... if we say you are going to go to church - you are going to go to church ... you are a beautiful girl ... you can be anything you want to be ... I am so proud of you ... I love you very much
These are just a few of the things my mother has said to me.
Now ... these are a few things I want to say to her ...
Mother
... I have heard every word you have ever spoken to me ... I probably thought he was your favorite ... I heard you, but I didn't listen as often as I should have ... I never wanted to go, but it is the most important thing you ever did for me ... I will never be as beautiful as you ... I am all I ever hoped to be ... I followed your example ... you should be proud of you ... I have never doubted your love ... not ever
Today is my Mother's Birthday
Happy Birthday Mom
We love you very much
Love,
Kellan, Billy, Courtney, Chloe, Billy, Alexis, Cheryl, Danny & kids, Rob & Vonda and kids
The ultimate miracle of love is this - that love is given to us to give to one another ....
On November 17, 1984 ... we were married:
We found each other and fell in love so easily ... 22 years ago. We joined our hearts and lives in marriage one year later. I have been very happy, very lucky, very proud and extemely privileged ... to be his wife. My dream is that we are at each other's sides ... forever.
When I met my husband, he was young and slender and handsome. He had a gorgeous smile and thick hair that he hid often beneath a black cowboy hat. He had a sexy voice and strong, masculine hands. He stood tall and proud and yet ... he was not much older than a boy.
He and I have been through quite a lot over the years. Not near as many sad times as happy and not near as many losses as gains - we have been lucky.
We have a wonderful family together and through our love we have created four children that have brought tremendous joy to our lives. We have built a life that is far more rewarding than I think either of us ever realized we could achieve and experienced far more happiness than any two people truly deserve.
I have not always treated him with respect and kindness, but I have always tried to remember to ask for forgiveness when I have failed him. He has been more patient with me than I have been with him and for that I am sincerely thankful.
Of all the things that God has given me - and he has blessed my life with many gifts - I am the most grateful that God allowed this man to cross my path. I am grateful that this man saw me as someone he could love and spend his life with. I am grateful for his kind nature and his goodness. His loyalty and patience. His love.
Today, 24 years ago, I married this man. It was a day of joy and happiness. It was the beginning of my life. I will be forever thankful for the moment our marriage was created and I will be forever thankful that he ... married me.
Happy Anniversary, Billy!
It has been a marvelous ride and I am looking forward to many more years of walking by your side. I am proud to be your wife.
My older girls didn't go trick or treating with the little ones this year. They've grown out of it. The little ones had a good time and scored lots of candy. My son was a Ninja and The Princess was a Devil (she had wanted to be 1/2 angel and 1/2 devil, but I talked her into just being a devil, figuring we'd never keep those white wings on without constant whining.) It worked out.
I have always loved the night - the darkness - the stillness of a sleeping world.
I try to encourage my body and mind to rise early - to wake with the sun and enjoy the part of the day that I have - for so long - given away easily to those that love the dawn.
It has never worked.
I was born to love the night.
It is when I relax.
It is when I enjoy my coffee the most.
It is when I relish the quiet and it is when my mind begins to spin and create and think.
And, it is when I am pulled outside ...
Into ...
The darkness.
Come with me.
Come on ...
I know it's dark ...
I know it's late ...
But this is when it happens ...
Come.
Now ...
Sit right there in that wicker chair on my back patio.
Sit.
Now close your eyes.
Go on - close them.
And now ...
I want you to listen.
Do you hear it?
The crickets?
Hear them chirping - talking to their mates?
And ... the soft hum of the pool pump deep in the back of the yard - back in the darkness?
Hear the frogs croaking - singing, almost - way down by the fence?
The cars and trucks driving by on the freeway off in the distance?
And ...
The train.
If you listen closely - you can hear the train as it crosses the road down by the high school.
Can you hear the sounds of my night?
The occasional plane traveling along the flight path over-head ... lowing its landing gear.
The coyotes - Oh - did you hear the pack moving along the road and into the neighborhood behind my yard? Listen ... there must be at least six or eight ... hunting in the night.
Do you hear the bugs buzzing around the porch light - banging into the wall - drawn to the glow?
Do you hear the neighbor's dog barking, down the street - making far too much noise for this time of night?
It's cool out - isn't it?
It's cooling off.
Can you feel it?
It's been a long, hot summer.
It is the night time when ...
I go outside into the darkness ...
Sit on this porch ...
To hear the sounds of my world ...
The life around me and my house ...
Take in the smells of the yard and oak trees and sweet grass.
I went into The Princess' room the other day to clean up. When I walked over to her bed, I turned around and stood for a moment doing something. When I looked up, I realized that I was seeing something that I had never seen or at least noticed before. It was the view from inside of my daughter's room.
When she is in her room; in her bed or playing (as is the case with all my children and their rooms), she looks out of that room and out of that window at things, objects, hallways, doorways, pictures on the walls, trees, neighbor's yards ... that are uniquely her view.
It was a strange feeling when I noticed this. I never realized it before and when I did ... I appreciated that my daughter had this particular, special view. I liked the view from daughter's room. I especially liked - that it was hers.
Every so often, there is a moment when I will see something or hear something that will make me think ... There it is! That is what life is all about.
This feeling can come over me at anytime. I never know when it will happen.
The other day, I walked out into our garage.
It is a filthy garage, most of the time, and not a place I look forward to visiting - for any reason. I try to avoid going out there if I can.
On this day, I was simply walking out into the garage to let the dogs out. They had been put in there to sleep, from the night before.
I opened the door from the house and stepped through it.
I walked over to the garage door that leads to the front yard - to let the dogs out.
I watched for just a moment.
Our dog, Buddy (a 6 year old Golden Retriever) went bouncing out the door. Our little dog, Barbie (a 3 year old Pomeranian) followed after him.
Buddy, his tail wagging so furiously that it moved his entire body, went out the door with such excitement and energy that it instantly infected Barbie. She quickly was drawn into his enthusiasm and began to jump on him and they immediately started to play.
Buddy's joy was infectious and for a moment ... when he looked back in my direction, trying to decide if he wanted to go forward into the yard to play or rather, come back over to me for a pat on the head - during this moment ...
I saw it!
I felt it!
It was simple and yet it was overwhelmingly powerful.
It was lovely.
It was Joy and it was being experienced by these two dogs. They were feeling Joy and even in their eyes I could see the pleasure of the experience. Almost as if they could smile.
I was given a glimpse - through these animals - through this one simple moment in my life ... that this is what it is all about.
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