Fashion Models:
Deep Thoughts

It was a day of rain.

The day started out as most days. My children rolled out of their warm beds and made their way out of my house to go to school. In their paths they left discarded pajamas, cuddling blankets and wet towels on the floor. I went through my quiet house and put all things back in their places and then sat down to enjoy my morning coffee.

I watched the rain through the window.

To some ... the rain provokes feelings of loneliness - sadness. With it's dreary skies and its gray face. To me, it is a relief. A time for the world to cleanse itself. A time for me to slow down.

Peaceful.

Quiet.

It is dark in my house as the day wears on, and yet it is the middle of the day. I am always sort of stunned by how the darkness soothes me and how easily I am drawn into it. I have to wonder where this joy comes from. Wonder why I am at home in the darkness.

I want it to rain.

I want there to be this darkness in the middle of the day - to envelope my house.

To envelope me.

I like the way it makes me feel.

Cozy and warm ...

The silence of it ...

The calming affect it has on me.

I think the rain cleanses me - like I am the earth.

It's as if the darkness renews me - like I am somehow pulled back into the womb.

I do appreciate the warmth of the sun, but ... I love it when it is sometimes replaced by the rains.

I am alone, I know ...

running towards the darkness ...

embracing it ...

yearning for it ...

allowing it to seep easily ... into my joyful soul.

I am alone ...

And yet ...

I am peaceful.

I was visiting Slouching Past 40 the other day and her post "What's Brewing" triggered me to leave this comment:

Okay - I have two teenage girls (15), one 10 year old boy and a 6 year old daughter. If I can do it (BELIEVE ME) - YOU CAN DO IT! My twins and I don't see eye to eye on anything. If I say black, they say white. It has taken me along time to realize that they have spent a lot of years learning from me and now ... they are trying desperately to try "it" on their own. I am still the center of their world. They don't express this in the same way they did when they were small (not even close) - but I find the signs - I "hear" the words between the rebellious tones and snide remarks -I "catch" a sparkle in a rolling eye - I "sense" that we are still attached. It is merely a change - a shift. And it is painful for both mother and child. When we hang on too tight - it becomes a fight. If there is one thing I am learning - it is to trust that they have learned all that I have been trying to teach them. That's what it is really all about - becoming independent (whatever the age). Imagine a little bird in a nest and how dependent that chick is on that mother and then how one day they get up on the rim of that nest, jump off and fly. They are all going to fly - our children -that's what we are teaching them to do. Some of us (like me) are going to be screaming, "Watch out for that tree. Don't fly too fast! Watch where you are going!" And other mothers won't have to scream - cuz that's just their way. These children know our ways. Your children know your ways. Trust that you have done a good job and will continue to do a good job and then let them fly. And keep your eyes open and watch ... because it is something to behold!

(Yep, sometimes I leave really long comments. Some of my comments are longer than my own actual posts).

I wanted to share this because my twin daughters are on the rim of our nest. They haven't jumped off yet - but they are certainly spreading their wings. They are beginning to feel the breeze. It won't be long before they take that leap.

And these are not humming birds in my nest - these are majestic Eagles. The day they do fly - they will not flutter away. They will not go out of here quietly. When my Eagles fly - they will soar...

My greatest fear is not the leap or the possible fall. It is not the technique or the ability. I truly believe I have prepared them for the flight. My greatest fear is that ... they will never come back.