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I'm not the type to pull strings or call in favors unless I absolutely have too.

Okay ... It's not like I'm this suburban-mafia-mom that has tons of useful connections, meets covertly in dark alleys to make deals with shifty looking hoodlums, keeps a mental tally of favors owed to me or have a list of people that find me favorable by which I could pull some strings with.

I have no connections.

I know no hoodlums (except Little Billy and he's harmless, he's my son and he's only 12).

My mind is far to cluttered and feeble to keep track of what the actual day of the week is, let alone if I've ever accumulated favors owed to me.

And ... most people do not find me favorable.

But ...

I am wise in the ways of the world! I've been around long enough to know the games, watched carefully to try and understand how to play some of these games and, from time to time, have enlisted this aforementioned, accumulated knowledge to PLAY THE DAMN GAME!

I am on the board of the PTA for my twins' high school.

On Monday morning - the first day of school, mind you - I crawled out of my comfortable bed and quiet, kid-free house - the bed with the cozy down comforter and the house that was noiseless - to help at the high school, alphabetizing their AGR (an acronym that I have no clue what it stands for - something to do with registration - something to do with the first day of school) cards

Before I left my house, I began to receive numerous text messages from my Daughter Courtney - HER AND CHLOE'S SCHEDULES ARE SCREWED UP - HELP MOM!!!

I tried to appease my obviously highly-stressed-frantic-freaking-out-of-her-mind daughter by replying casually to her text messages with, "Don't worry about it, Hon - it'll all work out," sort of responses.

That didn't fly.

She continued to text message after message, interrupting me from getting ready to go - she NEEDED me to step in and help figure out this screw-up for her ---- PLEASE MOM! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!!

I stopped my primping, walked out of my bathroom and called the counselor's office. I was pretty quickly told they will not be addressing scheduling issues until after Labor Day, the girls will just have to stay in the classes assigned until then. Mind you - these girls spent 5 hours, two weeks ago, up at the school on Prep Days, working out their Senior year schedule and now the school has made an error by changing the schedule. The error is the school's error - not my girls'. This I conclude only too quickly.

I sigh.

I change my outfit (I was wearing something conservative - I change into something less conservative. There is a reason for this well-thought-out wardrobe change. I won't tell you what I changed into because I wouldn't want you to think badly of me. Okay - I'll tell you. The new outfit consisted of a shorter shirt and a tighter, lower cut blouse).

I grab my purse.

I grab my coffee.

I leave my nice quite house and drudge up to the school.

I go by the counselor's office and am told pretty much the same thing - "So sorry your daughter is upset but there's nothing we can do today." So, I ask to speak to the head counselor (I'm going to go up the ladder now) and am told it wouldn't be possible until late afternoon to meet with her - she's far too busy helping register new students. In the meantime, my daughter's are attending classes that will not be their set classes and Courtney is BEYOND hysterical this is all screwed up - she is still texting me constantly. I am informed by the counseling department that nothing can be done for two weeks.

I texted Courtney and told her to meet me near the counselor's office.

"Did they say for me to meet you?" Courtney texted me - I can sense her fear.

"I SAID FOR YOU TO MEET ME." I'm the tax payer and the mom here - what I say goes.

After her first period class ends - Courtney - visually distressed - meets me in the breezeway near the counselor's office.

"Courtney. Now, you have to tell me if this is SO IMPORTANT THAT YOU WANT ME TO MAKE A STINK TO GET THIS FIXED. Because if it is not that big a deal and you can wait until after Labor Day, you have to tell me now." I have no clue from one minute to the next what is REALLY important and what isn't when it comes to teenagers. What I think should be important - isn't. And, what I think is piddly-isn't-worth-the-worry-or-stress-or-making-your-mom-a-nut-case-until-the-issue-is-resolved sort of issue - they think is important. But ... as I am talking to her - trying to decipher the true worry about this scheduling-screw-up issue, I see the trauma and stress all over her face.

Tears began to roll down her cheeks and she is not a crier - she is my tough child.

She NEEDS this issue resolved and I, as her advocate, agree. She is a student and going to school is her one and only job and she is highly successful. It does not seem reasonable to me that she should be forced to remain in the "wrong" classes for two weeks - she needs to be put back in her "right" classes so she can start this school year stress-free and happy. (Happy is really all I'm aiming at here).

"Okay - it's a big deal," I say. "Let's go," and I begin to go toward the counselor's office - set on sitting in there until they do something to fix my daughter's schedule (all the while my anger is riling up and honestly, I intended to "dare" them to make me wait longer than I deemed reasonable. I wasn't sure how long that would be - it would all depend on how long they made me wait). But ... Courtney doesn't want to make a stink in the counselor's office - she had already been in there earlier and they chased her out, telling her they were too busy today to address her scheduling problem. *More tears*

I agree. I got nowhere with them either and was, while I didn't let on to my daughter, a little fearful myself to return to the lion's den. I say, "Okay. But, then we're going to have to go to the Principal." I'm pretty sure this will scare her to death and she will reject this idea.

She is good with this plan.

She knows I know the Principal and that the Principal of this school of 3000 students knows me well and knows her well.

"Where is he - let's find him," she says, her spirits a little higher now. Me - my heart is beating so fast it might just jump from my chest, land on the ground and trip me in the hallway.

We head off to look for the Principal.

"What?" she asked, her eyes shifting nervously.

"Tears. Turn on the tears," I instruct, perfectly aware that this is one of the few times my daughter has witnessed me attempting to manipulate a man. Watch closely Dear, you will see how it is done.

We explained Courtney and Chloe's situation to the Principal. Courtney teared up (easily, because she was truly upset). He immediately took care of the situation.

Not ten minutes - TEN MINUTES - later, Courtney and Chloe's schedule was back the way it should be, Courtney gave her mom a big hug and bounced off to class - not a care in the world.

YES - I used everything (while not all that impressive or threatening or at all useful in everyday situations) in my arsenal to help my daughter. And, I didn't even have to scream and yell to get it done.

Courtney, quite impressed with her mother's talents, came home in the afternoon, all smiles. I questioned her about her schedule and she informed me that it was fine - everything was correct - "THANKS MOM, for your help".

Then ...

She went on to tell me that she repeated this story to several people at her school, one a teacher I know well, but in her story she impressed that she'd gotten the schedule changed back ... by crying.

"Did you tell them that I was the one who told you to turn on the tears?" I asked, astonished that she was taking credit for my sneaky plan.

"No," she admitted easily, and then shuffled on out of the room.

For the record - I was the administrator of this well-thought-out covert operation. But, I'm okay with my daughter taking the credit. I know only too well that she's too young to realize that that was part of my plan too - tee hee. (Okay, not really, but it will come in handy if I ever have to deny I played a part of this manipulation). And, for the record - I could have kept on my original outfit. I'm pretty darn sure it didn't have a thing to do with ultimately getting this job done *hangs head pitifully*

-

Courtney saw a sign on the way home from school that read:

FREE KITTENS

Courtney wanted a kitten.

I said, "NO!"

She begged,
"Please, please, please - can we get another kitten?"

I said, "NO!"

She asked for days and days - promising everything under the sun.

The promise I liked best was, "I'll be nicer to everyone."

I almost caved on that one - we could use some additional niceness from Courtney!!

I said, "NO!"

So .....

It was the weekend and I gave my husband a list of chores I wanted done!

One of the chores on his list was to take a table and six chairs from our garage to our warehouse.

He asked Courtney to go along to help him unload the furniture.

THEY CAME HOME WITH THIS:

I rolled my eyes!

I screamed a bit!

I shook my head and turned my head away.

And then ...

I said ...

"Give me that baby!"

"I'm naming him Banana," Courtney announced proudly. "Banana Pancake - Banana for short," she laughed hysterically.

I rolled my eyes.

"BANANA?" I held the baby up in the air and then smothered his teeny-tiny little head with kisses. "That is a ridiculous name."

"No it's not," Courtney cried. "It's from Juno."

"It's ridiculous - go to the back door and YELL it," I insisted.

She did.

"BA-NAN-A," she screamed.

"See!" I smiled, and then kissed that sweet little Banana on top of the head once again!

On the upside ... I know - I know - You were certain that I was the one in charge around my house - THE BOSS even!!

AP-PAR-ENT-LY NOT!

That's okay ... I've been needing some currency to hold over Courtney's head. That kitten came along just in time for summer!!

Now ... I need to have a talk with Courtney's father - remind him who is in charge around here!

My girls - my twins - love to read.

They have been known to spend hour after hour after hour - reading!

They love Harry Potter - LOVE IT!

They have read all the Harry Potter books over and over again.

They love the Twilight series!

They love many different books and lots of different authors.

Given their choice of buying anything they want - they will ALWAYS choose books!

If I take them anywhere near a book store - their eyes will begin to twitch and sweat will bead on their foreheads and they will begin to drool - REALLY!

Well ...

As much as they love to read ...

They are not all that happy about reading books they are required to read - such as ...

The Grapes of Wrath.

It was a summer reading requirement.

I know, I know - it is a classic and lots of people love the book, but ... not my girls - NOPE!

We bought one book at the beginning of the summer.

Courtney began to read the book at the end of July.

Chloe - believing that Courtney would certainly finish the book in a couple of days - waited for her sister to finish before she would be able to begin.

Needless to say - a week before school was to start - Chloe had not yet read the required book and Courtney was still not done.

These are girls that can read a new Harry Potter book - cover to cover - in 18 hours or less. But ... The Grapes Of Wrath Courtney found ... bor-ing!

So ...

The twins' father suggested ... "Courtney - once you get to the middle of the book - let me know and I will cut the book in half and give the first half to Chloe."

*Tee Hee*

This sounded like a good idea to me.

Not that destroying a perfectly good classic by John Steinbeck, was a good thing - but ... it made little sense to purchase a second book - especially one that they hated so much.

Even I - thought this was not a bad idea.

But ...

Chloe worried.

Worried she would need her own book.

Worried they would need their own books in class during the review - during the discussion.

Worried ...

She would have to tell her teacher ...

"Uh ... Page 231?"

"Can you wait a minute ..."

"For me to go across the room ..."

"To get the other half of the book ..."

"From ...

"MY SIS-TER!"

She worried ...

Worried ...

That ...

She might have to tell her English teacher ...

"Yes ..."

"We chopped it in half ..."

"The Grapes Of Wrath ..."

"Yes ..."

"My ... redneck daddy thought it was a good idea ..."

"Yes ..."

"That's just the way we do things ..."

"In the ... On The Upside --- household!"

On the upside ... We bought another book. Chloe was relieved. For a while there - I think she was scared we were actually going to do it. And ... I think she might also have been a bit scared when she realized that I - her mother - was in agreement with her redneck father about this book-chopping idea. It had never happened before where the mother agreed on any redneck idea the father had. It definitely seemed to worry her.

Come to think of it - that's not a good sign.

People often confuse Courtney and Chloe - as they are identical twins.

I have seldom confused the two - as I have come to see the differences in their personalities, their posture, the way they walk or carry themselves, their voices, their laughs and their facial expressions.

Every so often, I will, for a moment, be unable to determine which is which if the one I am looking at is sitting very still and not making any expression with her face or moving her body or hands. Or if they are asleep. When they are still - they even look the same to me.

In pictures, when they were babies especially, many people are unable to tell them apart and this is even true of their father and close family members. Some pictures that I failed to make note on the backside - I too, can not sometimes tell. The girls, to this day, are not able to tell who is who in most photos - even current photos. If they are able to tell, it is usually by looking at the clothes or the location the picture is taken - not by actually looking at their own faces.

This is a little crazy - right?

Most of their friends are able to tell them apart - all of their close friends have no problem. Most little children figure it out rather quickly. When Little Billy was small, he had difficulty telling them apart and so he just called them The Courtneys.

Over Christmas, Courtney was telling the story of a little boy that told her recently, "I can tell you two apart, because you are the one with the man voice and the fat head."

On the upside ... that's sometimes how I tell them apart too (tee hee).

(*note: Courtney has a raspy, deeper voice - than Chloe. She has nodules on her vocal cords that - through therapy of no-talking for periods at a time - would get better or deteriorate. She will always have a deeper - raspy voice, as she would never be able to not-talk for any length of time. This is another way I tell them apart - Courtney talks ALL THE TIME. And ... she was born with a rounder head and Chloe a more oval shaped head - hence the "fat head" reference*)

When you're five years old ... you one day decide that you can put on your own shoes and you won't let your mother help you.

When you're eight years old ... you one day decide that you can ride your bike on your own and you won't let your mother help you.

When you're ten years old ... you one day decide that you can choose your own clothes and you won't let your mother help you.

When you're twelve years old ... you one day decide that you can make your own breakfast and you won't let your mother help you.

When you're thirteen years old ... you one day decide that you can decorate your own room and you plaster posters on the walls and you won't let you mother help you.

When you're fifteen years old ... you one day decide that you can shop at the mall for your own clothes and you won't let your mother help you.

When you're seventeen years old you can ...

Put on your shoes by yourself.

Drive yourself to school, to parties, to the mall and and to your friends' houses.

Pick out your own clothes and cool outfits.

Make yourself breakfast and lunch and dinner and pick up chili-cheese-fries and a Route 44 cherry lime-aide from Sonic all by yourself and anytime you want.

Put posters and pictures of your friends and art you created and any crap you want on your walls and ceilings and behind the door of your room.

You can hang out at the mall and spend countless hours wasting time and spending far too much of you parents' money.

But ...

When your dad one day asks ...

"Courtney - can you pick me up some charcoal on your way home from Starbucks?"

You will likely say ...

"I don't know where to buy charcoal," and shoot your father the most innocent of childish grins.

"At the 7-11. You can pick me up some charcoal at the 7-11," your father will say nicely.

Then, you will likely say ...

"I don't know how to buy charcoal," and shoot your father the most innocent of childish grins.

"You just pick up the bag, walk up to the check-out counter and pay the guy," your father will advise.

Then, you will likely say ...

"Don't you have to be like 18 or something to buy charcoal?" and flash your father the most ridiculously confused smile.

"Uh - no," your father will respond.

Then, you will likely say ...

"But ... there are those things that kids aren't allowed to buy. Isn't charcoal like one of those things kids can't buy unless they're like 18 years old or something?" and flash your father the fakest confused smile you can conjure up.

"Uh - no," your father will respond. "It's charcoal, Courtney," he will say, a confused look riddling his fatherly face. "Charcoal. You do know what charcoal is?"

Then, you will likely say ...

"Uh - no."

On the upside ... *sigh*

*Note: The second picture of an innocent Courtney is a charcoal self-portrait done by Courtney.

-

We are an active family.

My twins are basketball and softball players and they love to wake board, surf, snowboard, ski and swim.

My son loves football, skateboarding, biking, swimming and motorcycles.

Alexis ... she's our little gymnast and swims like a little fish.

My husband loves to snow ski and will water ski and wake board. He loves to fish and hunt (sorry about the picture - eeeek!).

Me ...

I mow the grass.

I do like to swim, but I don't enjoy water skiing much anymore and I am not brave enough to give wake boarding a try.

I do love to snow ski.

That's it.

I work in my yard - A LOT - and that's the most exercise I really get.

Well ...

That and ...

Chasing after 4 kids and going up and down flights of stairs all day long.

So ...

Being the "athletic" family that we are - we have so enjoyed watching the Olympics!

Not because any of us has ever done swimming - competitively.

Not because any of us has ever done gymnastics - competitively.

Not because any of us has ever high-jumped, thrown a discus or played beach volleyball in skimpy swimsuits.

NOPE!

We've just loved watching all those fantastic athletes do their "thang" and we've been livin' our dreams through the games!

Well ...

Not me - really.

I've watched.
I've cheered.
I've even cried.

I have NEVER honestly dreamt of actually going to the Olympics.

Well ...

Maybe when I was 12 and 13 years old ...

And made a make-shift balance beam in my back yard in Virginia and me and my bff, Trish, would put on our leotards (HA!), climb up on that 2 x 4 piece of lumber we mounted between those stacked up cinder blocks - did a cartwheel and then splits - dismounted to the grassy ground, threw our arms over our heads, puffed out our flat chests and smiled BIG and waved like crazy to the ... CHEERING crowds ...

Maybe I had a dream ... once.

But ...

Not a REAL dream - you know.

Not like a REAL athlete.

Not like that woman that ran/won that marathon race (Constantina Tomescu-Dita) ...

When I saw that woman marathon runner ...

Did you see her?

Running ...
Running ...
Running ...
Running ...
Running ...
Running ...
Running ...

It was unbelievable to me.

Hard to watch.

IMPRESSIVE!

I turned to Courtney and said, "How does she run that fast for so long - HOW - HOW IS SHE DOING THAT?" totally astounded at her stamina - her energy - her abilities!

"She's not running as fast as it looks - she's pacing herself - she'll run faster at the end - really ... they are all sort of jogging, right now," Courtney was certain.

I looked across the room.

I smiled at my darling 16 year old daughter.

I said ...

"She has run for 15 or 16 miles ... right?"

"Yes," Courtney answered.

"She never slows down?" I ask.

"No," Courtney answers.

"Well ... she's jogging," I stand up from my chair, "As fast as ... I. CAN. RUN!" we giggle.

And then ...

I got up and went outside and ...

Mowed the grass.

On the upside ... I ran - and ran - and ran - and ran - and ran ... that lawn mower ... all over that yard (*hears loud roaring crowds applauding - CHEERS - WHISTLES - WAVING OF THE AMERICAN FLAG - SCREAMS ... then the mower hits a rock - snaps the 40-something year old Olympic-wanna-be-yard-mowing-mom ... back to suburban REALITY! sad sigh*)

My twin daughters, Courtney and Chloe, are in art. They've been taking art for many years. Last year they were in 3D art and as so, were often required to create 3D art projects for a grade. One time last year, Courtney made these life sized alien looking figures, using pipe for thier bodies and these white masks, she ordered from Oriental Trading Co., for their faces. She made 3 of these alien figures and for a while they stood in the court yard at the High School and now they make their home sitting on the benches around the fountain in our front yard.

So, nearly every day I see these alien figures when I go out to my front yard or pass by them on the way to my car.

The other day, when I went out front, I noticed something strange.

The aliens had moved.

I found Courtney and Chloe in the family room. "There's a Marshall's shopping cart in the front yard," I said calmly.

All I heard was 2 crazy sixteen year old girls giggling.

"And ... the aliens are pushing the shopping cart," I said.

All I heard was 2 crazy sixteen year old girls giggling.

"Where did you get that shopping cart?" I asked.

Courtney finally stopped giggling long enough to say, "We found it behind the store."

*giggle, giggle, giggle*

"We threw it in the trunk and ... brought it home."

*giggle, giggle, giggle*

I can see that.

On the upside ... I love Marshalls. Now I've got my own personal Marshall's shopping cart. I'm going to have to be sneaky, though - loading the thing in and out of the back of my van ...

-

I was so pleased to receive this very nice award from Jo-N over at Shower Your Children With Love - The Right Way. Jo-N is one of my newer friends and if you haven't visited her wonderful site, you need to go over there and check her out. Thanks so much Jo-N.

I'd like to pass this award on to Karen at The Rocking Pony. Thanks Karen for being such a good friend.

I am also so tremendously pleased to recieve this wonderful "You Make Me Smile" award from one of my favorite bloggy friends, Courtney over at Life With Two Beautiful Girls. I have known Courtney for a while and if you have never visited her site, you need to go over and see her beautiful girls (and handsome husband) - she has a great site and is a great friend. Thanks Courtney.

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And then my good friend Bren (also a Texan - Woo Hoo) over at 3 Little Monkey's Jumping On The Bed passed this other great "You Make Me Smile" award on to me - and it makes me smile because Bren makes me smile all the time! She has a beautiful site (done by SPLAT - just like mine) and three darling kiddos (her baby girl just turned one). She always has a good story and you really should go check her out. Thank you so much Bren.

I' like to pass this great award on to Em over at Billy The Toddler. Em lives in the UK and she has the most adorable little boy named Billy (like my Little Billy). He is the cutest thing - you should really go over and see how beautiful this boy is!!

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And then ... my good friend Kami at Kami Khlopchyk (don't ask me how you say that - in my head I just call her Kami K. or KK) - and I should learn how to pronounce it, as I have known her a long time. She is a great friend with a great site and I'd love you to go over and meet her! She gave me this "E is for Excellence". Thanks Kami.

And then ... I also received this same award from Girlymom over at The Red Door. She has been my bloggy friend from way back and if you have never visited her site you need to go over there and visit her and her 4 beautiful daughters - she is a wonderful mom!

And then ... I was so pleased to receive this "Excellent" award again from Lizzy over at Life According To Lizzy. Lizzy has a great site where she writes wonderful stories about her life with her two sons and wonderful husband. If you have never visited my friend Lizzy, please go by and check her out.

And then ... Kathryn over at Seeking Sanity was also so nice to pass this award on to me. Kathryn is a great writer and tells wonderful stories about her life with her three precious boys. If you have never visited Kathryn's site - you need to go over and say hello.

I am supposed to pass this award on to 10 people. Since I received this award 5 times - that means I should pass it on to 50 people. I'm going to break this rule and pass it on to 5 people.

Angie at Keep Believing
Bia at La Dolce Vita: The Sweet Life With 3 Sons
Valarie at Please Don't Put Beans Up Your Nose!

Dawn at Renaissance Mama
Steph at Snow Central

All of these ladies have wonderful sites and I think they are simply Excellent - enjoy this great award ladies - I enjoy you so much!

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Also ... I was so pleased to receive this great "Everday Kindness" award from MO over at Un-Mainstream Mom. Now ... I think MO is way smarter than me - because she writes some really great posts and sometimes I think I don't know everything she is talkin' bout! No, not really - she writes smart and witty and she is a great friend with 2 beautiful daughters- you need to go check her out!!!

I'd like to pass this award on to Andrea at Life Song. Andrea has a great site where she tells daily stories about her beautiful daughters and she is a good friend.

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And then Vasquez3 passed this great award on to all of those blogs on her blogroll and On The Upside is one of the sites that she visits daily - I really appreciate that and I really appreciate this award and am so pleased to be one of her daily reads - Thanks and you should go see her and her adorable daughter and husband - she has a really great site.

I'd like to pass this award on to Mighty Morphin Mama. She also has a wonderful site and tells wonderful stories about her sweet family - you need to go over and say hello if you've never visited her site before.

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And then ... my friend Regina - over at Regina's Family Seasons passed this great "Spread The Love Award" on to me and she passed "The Daily Dose" on to all those friends on her blogroll. Now ... if you want to meet one smart lady with very well written and thought provoking posts - she is your lady. I have so enjoyed getting to know Regina - you really need to go visit her. Thanks Regina!

I'd like to pass this second "Daily Dose" award on to Julie at Multiple Blessings. Julie has a houseful of kids - like me - and she tells wonderful stories about her kids and family. She is also a scrapbooker. She's been a really good friend.

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I'd like to pass this great award on to Joan over at Joan's Journey. It is always a delight to visit Joan and hear her fabulous stories about her family or her travels - she is a joy and become a dear friend.

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And then I received this "Classy Blog" award (award designed by OHMommy over at Classy Chaos - isn't it cool!) from Lunanik over at Secrets of A Black Heart. Lunanik and I have become great friends - if you have never visited her great blog, you need to go over and check her out. She is smart and funny and quite the writer. You will love her as much as I do.

This last award I'd like to pass on to my friends Kari and Kijsa over at Ask Kari and Kijsa. These two sisters have the most fabulous home decorating site. They are creative and smart and witty. They tell the most fabulous stories about their creations, their ideas, their travels and they beautiful families (6 children between these young mothers). They are two of the classiest women I know and truly deserve this Classy Blog award.

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THANK YOU to everyone that passed on an award to me - I truly appreciate each and everyone of these great awards! I hope I will have the chance to pass on future awards to anyone that I did not remember this time. I think each and everyone of the great sites that I have gotten to know deserves an award and I am trying to keep up with who I have given an award and who I have not - so I will remember in the future.

Hosted by Cecily and Mama Geek

It has been a labor of love ...

as well as ...

Fulfilled every redneck fantasy my cute cowboy husband has ever had ...

It started out looking pretty pitiful ...

Pretty darn hopeless ...

Downright awful - sitting very "redneck-like" on the driveway by my house.

It (obviously) was a fixer-upper ...

Requiring a lot of work ...

And searching the land far and wide for missing parts.

It needed some serious body work ...

Pieces of this monster hung from tree limbs to be inspected, banged on and painted.

And then there was more painting.

And more painting ...

All while continuing to search the land far and wide (okay - the internet) for an extensive list of missing parts.

And then one day ...

It started to look like a pretty nice car ...

It was coming together with its shiny new paint job and sparkling new chrome.

Until one day recently ...

Almost two years into this Mustang project ...

The announcement finally came ...

IT IS DONE!

(THANK THE LORD!)

So, the car was a gift to our twin daughter's, Courtney and Chloe, for their 17th Birthday.

They only recently drove it to school (once their dad got the A/C put in it).

A football player stopped the girls in the parking lot. "Who's car is that?" he asked, envy in his eyes.

"It's mine," Courtney answered shyly.

"You've gotta be shi**in' me!" he exclaimed.

"Nope - it's ours." Chloe smiled proudly.

"What kind of engine's in it?" the burly football player asked, his eyes wide and curious.

*blink blink*

"I dunno. Loud." Courtney answered quietly.

The moral of this conversation is: Football players that would know the size engine in this 1969 Mustang are probably more deserving of such a sweet car than twin girls that are more interested in a functioning A/C and loud speakers.

The only problem with the completion of this two-year project is ...

Now ... my cute, redneck husband is searching the land (and the internet) far and wide for a new piece of junk car to restore for the boy child.

*sigh*.

-

Alexis opened one of her Christmas presents from Mom and Dad.

She removed the tissue paper from the box and excitedly pulled out a darling jogging outfit (pants and a zippered hoody). It had shiny emblems on the lapel and on the backside of the pant bottoms and it was the lovely shade of pale teal.

Alexis was very excited and said, "I love it. I love this color - this is my favorite color."

I smiled.

Alexis smiled back sweetly at her Mama.

Chloe looked at Courtney, with a smirk on her can't-wait-to-come-up-with-a-sarcastic-remark-teenage-face and said, "What ... grayish teal?" questioning Alexis' enthusiasm over this color.

Courtney, whose wheels are turning now - in her equally-sarcastic-teenage-pea-sized-brain then says, "What ... the color of dead pond water?" and they laugh into each other's faces obnoxiously.

Then, the quick witted Chloe quickly banters back, "What ... the color of bread mold?" and now the two hysterical teenage comedians have thrown their heads back and spit is flying everywhere from all of their rowdy laughter.

And now Courtney's mind is really racing and immediately she says, "What ... like the color of extinct Brontosaurus'?" and she lies down sideways on the couch, laughing so hard she can barely catch her breath.

Chloe, who can not believe how funny she and her sister are, and this is apparent by the way they keep giving each other pokes on the shoulders or exaggerated high-fives, says, "What ... like the color of a decaying sea turtle?" and then falls to the floor, holding her stomach and wipes at the tears running down her face.

Me ... I'm sitting across the room, drinking my coffee as I am watching this episode of Comedy Central and just rolling my eyes.

The darling Alexis, sitting in the middle of the floor, has long since folded her lovely new jogging suit back into its box and has moved onto her next Christmas present -- never once picking up on the ridiculous meanness being hurled at her by her two loving sisters. She loves this new teal jogging suit and has declared that it will be the outfit she will wear for the day.

On the upside ... Sometimes those twins are funny and then sometimes ... they are ... Just. Plain. Stupid.

Hosted by Cecily and Mama Geek

Most of you know that I'm writing a novel.

Some of you are probably really tired of hearing about it.

(If so ... maybe you can come back next week - read the post I'm drafting about SEX).

I've recently completed my fourth round of edits and feel that I'm about 85% to 90% through. It won't be long before I am seriously going to be searching for an agent.

During the process of writing this novel, I have fallen in love with my main character.

Her name is Laney. She is sixteen years old and I have thoroughly enjoyed exploring her life and learning her story.

A couple of months ago, my daughters, Courtney and Chloe, were asked to do a painting for their advanced art class where the concentration (for this specific project) was "white on white". The painting Courtney did was of a beautiful girl.

One day ... I walked by this beautiful painting that was leaning against the wall in our family room and realized -- That's my Laney. She is exactly the vision of the girl I have in my head (well, except for the blue hair).

I picked up the painting and took it to my room. I propped it on my desk. It has been there ever since and she - this beautiful girl - has become my muse during the process of writing this novel.

She watches me and she listens to me.

She speaks to me through her guarded expression and beautiful face.

Every day I sit at my desk ...

I look into her eyes ...

And I write her story.

I'm a big believer in the old adage that everything happens for a reason.

I don't believe it was an accident that my daughter painted this beautiful girl.

I think she was Laney ... all along.

Courtney brought her image to life ...

And I am ... telling her story.

Thanks so much for all the wonderfully positive and supportive comments on yesterday's post!

I am now at 63,463 words, 217 pages and ...

I am almost finished!

Just so you know - I am aiming at 75,000 words and 250 double spaced pages, but as it stands right now it will be a bit longer than that in order to wrap the story up the way I want.

This is just my first draft and what I did is take the advise of many writers and have just written this story from beginning to end without much editing. I have edited some as I have gone along, but it is likely going to take months to get this manuscript into a good final draft.

I had a few comments where people mentioned that I sound excited and so happy and ... it's true. I am excited that the timing has been so perfect for me to dedicate so much time to writing and happy that I feel so positive about the story I have written and so enjoyed the process.

It has gone quickly (I don't do anything slowly), but it has also been a pleasurable experience; developing the characters has come easy, following the twists and turns in the story has been exciting, realizing the story was waiting to be written because it just flowed out of me almost effortlessly - it's been a truly rewarding and exciting experience.

Like I said in my last post - this novel does not yet have a title, but I am working on it. I have involved Courtney and Chloe (my twin daughters) a lot in the writing of this book and they have been enormously helpful, inspirational and a creative input through the process. They are determined to help me come up with a most excellent title and I am counting on them for their ideas. They have also informed me that they will be doing the art for the book's cover (as they are both extremely talented and creative artists)and I quickly agreed (I just love that they believe in me enough to see a cover in the future for this novel - tee hee).

This novel is not the book I believed I would be writing when I started this process a few months ago. I was swayed tremendously by Courtney and Chloe's suggestions and enthusiasm and decided to venture in a new direction and I'm glad I did. It's not the best story ever conceived and it's not the best writing ever put to paper, but I feel positive about it's potential and proud I've followed it through.

Once I finish the first draft completely (hopefully by this weekend), Courtney and Chloe have asked to read it all the way through. I am counting on their advise and input to clean up and/or develop the story more thoroughly and also anxious to see if they like it (I told them that they had to say "I loved it" - if they did and they just rolled their eyes). They read the first 3 chapters early on, but then I told them I didn't want them to read it anymore until it was done. They know a lot about the premise of the story and have even offered some great ideas and twists towards the plot, but not read it all the way through. These are 2 girls that have been reading (and writing themselves) since they were 4 years old. They LOVE to read and I am depending on their love of books and writing to help guide this story.

I will be telling you more about my novel soon, but for now I am just going to finish it. I just wanted to say that I really appreciate your support.

What do you think my novel is about? Do you have any guesses?

-

After the game, I returned home, changed into my PJ's and climbed up on my bed to relax and watch a little TV.

About an hour into my leisurely break, my peace and quiet was abruptly disrupted when ... 2 very loud teenage girls - 2 basketball playin', game winning, girls - returned home, excitedly from their game.

They ran up the stairs like two elephants (*clomp, clomp, clomp, clomp, clomp*) and I could hear them in the hallway, beyond my closed door, racing and pushing each other, trying to get to my room before the other. They threw open my door, flung their sweaty, jersey covered bodies onto my nice clean bed and began to talk - real fast - over each other's words - about all the stuff that happened during this very exciting game ... the same game I just came from, mind you. But ... I listened.

Then ... as the excitement was winding down and the conversation hit a lull, they both stood up and were standing next to each other beside my bed - fixing to leave my room. Suddenly, Courtney looks at Chloe, very seriously and says, "Does your uvula ... ever get stuck?" Then she starts to make these exaggerated kak-kak-kaking noises (*hairball sound*) and points to her throat.

Chloe starts to laugh and says, "Y-eah," she bends at the waist and slaps her hand on her knee because her sister is so funny.

"It gets stuck (*kak-kak-kaking noise again*)," Courtney goes on and on and her sister is now also making the noise and they are laughing like crazy hyenas.

I am confused.

I am not sure what a uvula is, but I am pretty sure that it is ... a female b.o.d.y p.a.r.t and I am too embarrassed to ask and too a.f.r.a.i.d to ask.

They must have seen the confusion on my face, because Courtney then says, "That punching bag thing in the back of your throat, " and continues to giggle and kak-kak, "Sometimes I have to reach my tongue back there to un-stick it," she demonstrates what this technique looks like (it was not a pretty sight).

On the upside ... U.vu.la, n. pl. -las, lae - the fleshy, conical body projecting downward from the soft palate. --- still sounds like something dirty to me. Uvula, uvula, uvula - now I know what it is and I will never use this word again, as it makes me uncomfortable - I will use punching bag thingy - that makes more sense anyways.

(Note to self: Never, ever, ever, ever, ever ... Google uvula again!! It will gross you out!)

As most of you know - I have teenage twin daughters, Courtney and Chloe.

My girls are juniors in high school and fixing to turn 17 this April *sad face*.

One of the things I have most enjoyed about having teenagers around my house is seeing the friendships they have developed with other kids their age. They often brings their friends to our house and I have thoroughly enjoyed getting to know all of them and being around this great group of kids.

One of the friends my girls made this last year at school is a girl named Becca. Becca is a year older than Courtney and Chloe (she's a senior) and yet they have become especially close and my girls just love her. They played basketball together for their high school's varsity team and hung out a lot after school and on the weekends (she's coming over today, as a matter of fact). Becca has not only been a wonderful friend to both of my girls, but a fabulous influence. I know they are going to miss her tremendously when she leaves in the fall to head off to college at Texas A&M - but we are all very proud of her and wish her only luck and happiness and love.

The reason I tell you all this is because I found out this morning that Becca has started her own blog called The Leaves On The Ground.

Becca

It would be so nice if you went over to welcome my special friend, Becca (The Leaves On The Ground) into this wonderful blogging world - show her how much we love teen bloggers and encourage them to be part of our community.

-

We are a LOUD family!

Not only are we LOUD because there are so many kids in our house that talk A LOT - play LOUD music and games and TVs - but ... we are just those sort of LOUD people - you know!

My husband is the quietest of the bunch.

Then Little Billy.

Then Chloe.

But ...

Me and Courtney and Alexis got the LOUD personalities and LOUD voices - the LOUD gene. LOUD!

Courtney is the LOUDEST of the whole On The Upside family.

She is!

She is theatrical!

She is flamboyant!

She is dramatic!

And ...

She talks LOUDLY!

It's her trademark.

Her signature trait.

She is LOUD!

One day recently, she was telling me, "Sometimes ... my mind ... YELLS at me," she was so serious.

I said, "What do you mean? You hear ... voices?" I was secretly a bit worried about this odd statement.

She said, "NO - it's my thoughts. They YELL at me, like when I'm trying to go to sleep - and I have to tell them - STOP - STOP YELLING AT ME!" she explained - LOUDLY.

I say, "Does that work?"

She says, "NO ... not until I do what they say."

"Are they screaming at you to do bad things?" I ask.

"No," she says, "Just normal stuff - like if I'm thinking about things I need to do - like my homework - my mind is YELLING for me to do it - you know?"

I said, "Yes, Hon," just so the poor thing wouldn't think there was something seriously wrong.

On the upside ... I wanted to say ... "That's what they call - karma - Sweetie! Now you know ... how we feel!"

My kids often have their friends over at our house.

One day, not too long ago, there were six of the girls' basketball friends over and they were all up in Courtney and Chloe's bedroom.

I walked by.

I stuck my head in to say hello.

When I walk in, I see ... one girl on Courtney's bed, two girls on Chloe's bed, two girls on the futon, one girl each sitting in the desk chairs, one girl on the floor and one sprawled out in the recliner near the closet. Some had their shoes off, others had pillows they were clutching, one seemed to actually be sleeping, and ... at least 4 of them had phones in their hands and were busy - like little beavers - text, text, texting away - furiously - as if, whatever they were saying in these text messages were the most interesting and most important information ever to be sent over the telegraph wires (or whatever it's called) - EVER!! Texting - like crazy - at least 4 of these girls.

I saw this craziness and asked, "What are you all doing?"

And pretty much all of them answered, in unison, "Nothin'."

I then asked if anyone needed anything and they answered that they were fine - with looks on most of their faces that indicated that they wanted me to leave.

I put my hand on the door to go and then turned back and asked, "By the way, who are you all talking to?" looking into the eyes of one of my daughters.

And 3 of the girls (including one of my own), looked up quickly in my direction and said, "Each other." And then all --- went immediately back to texting once again.

THEY. WERE. TEXTING. EACH. OTHER!!!!

They were in the very same room!!

They weren't more than 2 feet from each other!

And ... they found this to be perfectly normal!

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS CRAZY PICTURE?

On the upside ... This is CRAZINESS - this texting thing! Have you ever seen it in action? Have you ever been around one of these teenagers when they perform this TEXTING? I think it might just be possible that they will soon eliminate talking altogether - they might just get to where they only ever use their computers or the texting on their phones and then they will never actually have to see any of their friends face to face or ever speak a single verbal word to any of them.

Hummmm ... maybe I need to learn this texting thing - start communicating non-verbally with my teenage daughters! Holy What-Took-Me-So-Long-To-See-The-Potential Batman ... Now that there's a brilliant idea!

Hosted by Cecily and Mama Geek

Boy, do my kids love books.

I have read many a children's book over the past 16 years.

I've read to Courtney.

I've read to Chloe.

I've read to Little Billy.

I've read to Alexis.

Courtney has read to her Mama.

Chloe has read to her Mama.

Little Billy has read to his Mama.

Alexis is still reading a lot to her Mama.

Alexis came to my room the other evening. "Read to me, Mama," she said.

I smiled into her sweet little face.

I wrinkled my nose.

I said ...

"Sorry, Babe. Tonight I'm readed to ... ME. Now get on outta here."

I got SUCKED into Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series a little less than a month ago. I am nearly done. This is the last book and I am about 3/4 of the way through. I have thoroughly enjoyed this series and already feel the withdrawal symptoms creeping in - I don't want it to be over. But, it will be over, soon.

So ... I searched my twins' book collection and have found a few more books I plan to read once I finish Twilight.

This is my nightstand.

I'm on a reading roll.

It's been so long since I've wanted to read - for me - you know.

Now I'm hooked again.

On the upside ... I always take time to read to my kids, but lately I am reading ... to ME! Alexis might just have to go find her daddy.

-

When I was pregnant with my twins, I wasn't aware until they were delivered that they were both girls and identical.

After delivering both of the girls, my doctor held up their umbilical cords and promptly announced, "When these girls get to be 18, you need to take them to Vegas because these are two lucky girls." Not only had the twins tied their umbilical cord in a knot, but upon further inspection the doctor noticed that one of the cords had torn away from the placenta and was hanging on by only blood vessels.

Courtney and Chloe are mono-amniotic twins. These are the rarest type of identical twins. Unlike most identical twins, they shared the same amniotic sac and the same placenta in the womb. This is a very dangerous twin-type and as so results in a high mortality rate for one or both twins. We were very lucky that our twins were delivered safely and healthy at 36 weeks.
They were born on Good Friday - 17 years ago.

When we first brought them home they weighed about 5 lbs. each and slept in the same crib for months. I always faced them toward each other in their crib as I imagined if they couldn't see the other they might get lonely.

I always dressed them alike up until they got to the age (10 or 11) where they refused to let me do it anymore. When they were babies, I always had them wear shoes and socks - even if we stayed home all day (which was most days). I just couldn't resist dressing them up. They were my sweet little doll-babies.

I find it very hard to believe that 17 years has passed.

In some ways it is sad to look back on all those years - but in so many more ways it brings me tremendous happiness.

It has been a JOY having these girls in my life.

I knew from the very first moment I found out I was pregnant with them that they were and would remain one of the greatest blessings of my life.

And ...

They are.

I love them more than I have words to describe and I am so very proud of them.

HAPPY 17th BIRTHDAY

COURTNEY AND CHLOE!

May your life always be filled with as much happiness as you have brought to mine.


-

I am sitting at the kitchen table.

In front of me is my Arby's Chicken Salad Sandwich, with the grapes and nuts in it (that I love) and my french fries and Coke.

To my right is my daughter, Courtney, with her Roast Beef Sandwich, fries and Iced Tea.

Across the table is my daughter, Chloe, with her Roast Beef Sandwich, that she meticulously opened, slathered with several ounces of Arby's sauce, closed back up, and is shoving into her mouth.

We begin to talk - me and these two 15 year old, basketball-jersey-wearin', mouth smackin', loud speakin', pony-tail wearin', laugh-at-every-ridiculous-thing, rough around the edges ... teenage, girls.

We talk a bit about this.

We talk a bit about that.

I am in heaven, savoring every bite of my delicious sandwich (have you had this sandwich??), looking up only every so often at my darling girl's faces as they cram these Roast Beef sandwiches into their mouths - pieces of roast beef hanging off the sides of their lips, chewed up globs inside their mouths I'd rather not see, spit flying as they try to get all their stories out of their mouths at the same time they are shoving food in ... I have to divert my eyes, so as to not throw-up my delicious Chicken Salad sandwich and yummy fries.

Then ... as I am eating (like a civilized human being, mind you), looking across the table at the one cow-like-child ...... out of the corner of my eye, I see Courtney ... lower her head slowly to the square of Arby's paper that is her plate for her sandwich droppings, fries, crumbs and slobber ... position her ant-eater-like-mouth around a piece of roast beef that has fallen out of her sandwich and then ... SUCK IT UP - ssssshhhhllllllllluuuurrrrrrrp - like an animal on National Geographic.

I just look at her.

In amazement.

She sees that I saw her ... bend over, ever so deliberately and precisely position her mouth right over this hunk of meat, open her jaws, inhale ... and SUCK IT UP ... and she begins to laugh!

I can't take my eyes off of her.

I begin to laugh.

Because I can.

Because ... these are not my children.

I don't know where my adorable little, bows-in-their-curly-hair, ruffles around their socks, Mary Jane wearin', doll-playin' ... sweet, eat like young ladies ... girls went, but ... they were not sittin' at this table with me - enjoying this delicious Arby's meal. No they were not.

On the upside ... This is yet another area I have failed as a mother - manners and food etiquette. At the rate I am going ... I will definitely reach 100% failure. That has got to be some sort of record. I will probably get an award - be written about in newspaper articles, be called as a guest for the Oprah show. 100% ... it won't be long now.

I try to be a good mom.

I'm not the best mom and I'm not the worst mom. I'm somewhere in between. In between those moms that take their children lunches to school and eat with them at least once a week and those other moms that send their little ones to school with $1.25 in their pocket to purchase the tray of "yummy" school lunch food (while I've done this too).

Courtney and Chloe make their own lunches for school.

Courtney was quick to point out to me recently that this was not what "good mothers" do for their kids.

She went on and on about how the mother of a friend of hers would not only make her daughter special sandwiches with actual lettuce with the lunch meat - but often include sweet little notes in her specially decorated bags. Sometimes, this same mother will make an extra sandwich for anyone that forgets to bring their lunch (*loser mom throws head back and laughs hysterically - bahahahahahaha*).

She also told me of another mother that prepares these little snack bags (chips, juice box, cookies) and keeps them in her car to hand out to the beggars on the corners that hold up signs that they are homeless.

Okay ... I'm not doing any of these things. No special bags of treats (while a great idea) for the homeless and no lettuce, notes or decorated lunch bags for my teenage daughter's lunches.

I either have too much on my plate, those other mothers have too much time on their hands or something ... somewhere in between.

On the upside ... One day I am going to surprise those girls and make their lunches again - I might just even put actual lettuce on top of that bo-logna! And ... a little note inside their bag that says, "Hey Girly - it's me - Mom. If you don't like this sandwich - maybe you can get that EXTRA ONE from your friend's bag - eat it - and then save this sub-standard sandwich to put in a little gift bag to give to the homeless man on the corner down the street. Bye Sweetie - See you when you get home. Love, Mom."