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It was a day not long ago, when I was at the lake with the kids.

The kids and I had had a long day of swimming and playing in the sun - we were tired.

The older girls were in their room watching TV.

Alexis and Little Billy crawled in my king size bed to sleep with me.

It was dark in my room and for a while I was relaxing and unwinding - nearly dozing off - enjoying the quiet in my dark room - except for the swishing rhythm coming from the ceiling fan above our heads.

I guess it was TOO quiet for the 2 youngest On The Upside kids - because ... they suddenly broke the silence with a steady stream of chattering.

I tried to ignore them.

I hoped I'd be able to slip into unconsciousness - anyway - but ... it was NOT POSSIBLE!

I turned towards the wall.

I squished my eyes closed SHUT!

I tried NOT to listen.

They tried their hardest to include me in their conversation - asked questions - offered facts ...

I stayed quiet.

Pretended to be asleep in hopes of encouraging them to settle down - get bored and GO TO SLEEP!

At one point ... the conversation turned to --- yawning.

It was at this point ...

That the night ...

Went ...

Downhill!

Little Billy would y-a-w-n.

Alexis would y--a--w--n.

I would y---a---w---n ... secretly

Then ...

Little Billy would Y-A-W-N ... LOUDLY.

Alexis would Y--A--W--N ... LOUDLY.

I would Y---A---W---N ... secretly.

You know ...

You CAN NOT be around y-a-w-n-i-n-g ... and NOT Y-A-W-N!

Little Billy says - to his sister - to me - to the dark room - "I only ever y-a-w-n if someone in my family y-a-w-n-s ... someone I love, y-a-w-n-s," and he y-a-w-n-s ... AGAIN!

Alexis says, "Yeah ... me too," and she y--a--w--n--s!

Little Billy says - to Alexis - to me - to the dark room - "I hardly EVER y-a-w-n," then he y-a-w-n-s again - LOUDLY!

Alexis says, "Yeah ... me too?" y--a--w--n.

Then ...

Little Billy says to me - ME --- the one who has stayed very quiet through all of this RE-DIC-O-LUS Y---A---W---N---I---N---G jibber-jabber, "Do people y-a-w-n ... in their sleep?"

I do not answer.

I still want him to believe I am asleep.

But ...

I think ... Well - OF COURSE THEY DO! I've been lying here doin' it - FOR 20 MINUTES!

Alexis says, very excited by this question --- "OH ... I DO ... I ALWAYS Y--A--W--N in my sleep!"

Silence in the dark room for a few seconds.

The brother then says, "How would you know? You are A-s-l-e-e-p! How would you know?"

Alexis --- ever the miss-know-it-all-of-all-things --- says ... "I just know," in her uppity-girl-tone. "I do!" she gets louder and more insistent. "Don't I - Mom?"

On the upside ... Sometimes, when my kids get to talking WAY TOO MUCH about something, I will say to them, 'Now ... that's just enough talking about that!' This was one of those times ... where there was WAY TOO MUCH TALKING ABOUT Y---A---W---N---I---N---G! But ... the mom did not answer. She felt it was best to just let the youngest On The Upside kid believe what she wanted about this Y---A---W---N---I---N---G CRAP! She felt it was best to not get anymore involved than necessary ...otherwise ... Y---A---W---N ... she might NEVER get ANY ... Y---A---W---N ... SLEEP!

Alexis and my niece are playing in Alexis' bedroom.

I am in my room, helping Chloe with a project we have sprawled out on the floor.

Alexis and my niece have decided that Alexis will spend the night over at my niece's house and so Alexis is gathering her things to take for the sleep-over.

They are goofing off.

It is getting later and later by the minute.

They are getting out toys and playing and I can hear the ruckus from my room.

I scream, really loud and speak really fast, "Alexis. You need to get your stuff. You need to get your stuff together. You need to get your pajamas and your toothbrush and your underwear and whatever toys you want to take with you. And ... you are not going anywhere until you clean up that mess you two have made in that room," I say this all very fast - I say it and I mean it.

Chloe looks over at me from across my room with a look that says, "Could you be anymore obnoxious?" and it makes me smile.

I hear some scrambling going on down the hallway in Alexis' room and then I hear her say, very casually, and a little uppity, "Well ... you don't have to yell," and she mocks me, "Yada, yada, yada - yada, yada, yada ..."

The moment we heard her, Chloe's eyes met mine and we both fell back on the floor laughing.

On the upside ... Sometimes - I just need to ... simmer down!

Alexis needs to eat ... some carrots.

She likes carrots.

Alexis needs to eat ... some celery.

She'll eat celery - with peanut butter smothered all over it.

Alexis needs to eat ... some apples and oranges and grapes.

She likes all of these fruits.

The problem with Alexis is ...

There aren't many foods she doesn't like.

She likes pasta.
She likes steak.
She likes seafood and enchiladas and broccoli.

She will eat most anything.

I have got to start eating ... more carrots.

I have got to start eating ... more celery.

I have got to start eating ... more grapes and apples and oranges.

I like all of these things.

The problem with Alexis' mommy is ... there aren't many foods that she doesn't like.

I guess it's time for Alexis and her mommy to stock the fridge and stay away from the pantry!

YES --- it's time.

It's time to get serious.

It's time to push back from the table ...

Put the Oreos and Little Debbies back into the cupboard ...

Leave the ice cream and Hershey's syrup in the freezer and fridge - for Daddy.

It's time!

On the upside ... We can do it! Twenty pounds each. Well ... twenty for the mom - maybe just 10 for Alexis. But ... we can do it and ... IT'S TIME (*sigh*)!

I stayed at the lake for Spring Break, while Dad and the twins went home. They will be back on Wednesday for more Spring Break fun.

I decided that staying at the lake would be a very good way to have some special time with my 2 smallest children - some time to relax and have fun.

Alexis and Little Billy often fight, like siblings do. This time at the lake is proving to mend a relationship that has been torn a bit, over the past several months. They have needed this time - the two little ones. I have needed them to care about each other more - play with each other nicely - be friends again.

So far ... it was a great decision to stay at the lake to spend time alone with my youngest children. They have been happy and that makes mom happy.

(Their Granna is also at the lake with us)

Do you see that smile - some baby teeth, some big girl teeth - that's a happy girl, hanging out with her Mom at the lake.

We went out and took a drive. We stopped here to see the fish in the stream and take a picture for mom.

Alexis wanted to give her brother a kiss.

He let her - but he was not happy. He said, "I'm just not that kinda guy."

I asked, "What kinda guy are you, then?"

He smiled and said, "I'm a tough guy - you know - not a kissing kinda guy."

Well ... okay then.

Alexis and I won - she got a kiss and a hug. I think he was really okay with both and just had to put the pained look on his face to make sure his "tough guy" image wasn't too tarnished. He's such a cutie!

Alexis has the best modeling poses - I think she has a runway in her future - she is quite a little ham!

There he is - the tough guy - showing his stuff.

I had to beg the both of them to stay dry - they wanted to jump in and wallow around in the cold water. It was just too chilly.

Went back by the house to get Alexis a smoothie - gotta have a smoothie for a long road trip.

There's that smile - I'm so happy you are happy, my sweet boy!!

More posed pictures for mom - so many beautiful spots to take pictures.

Seems strange to have only the two little ones in pictures, but nice to see them together and having fun. Nice to see them getting along.

Another pool of water I had to beg them to stay out of. Kids are so drawn to water - aren't they. This fountain is not for swimming in, but if I had let them, they'd have both been tromping around in it - clothes on and all.

There's the Mom again! She's never happy having her picture taken. But, look at that little doll leaning over Mom's shoulder - she is a little cutie pie! She had just had a giggling fit - couldn't stop giggling. Had Mom laughing pretty hard as well.

More time near the water - looking for turtles and treasures. Rocks are always gathered and collected - sometimes even a fossil or two.

Dinner at Chili's, on the river, with Granna. We ate too much queso and chips - as usual.

Had to hurry and eat - didn't want to be late for the movie.

Ready for the movie - Horton Hears a Who!

It was a great movie! Mom and Granna enjoyed it as much as Alexis and Little Billy. Alexis couldn't stop talking about it after we came out; naming all her favorite characters and favorite parts. Little Billy said he'd like to have it on video when it comes out. It was one of the best animated movies I've seen in a long time - really good!

It was a fun day - Monday, at the lake. I really enjoyed spending time with my youngest children (and my mother too, of course). It's nice to be able to play all day - laugh - take walks and rides - go to the movies - eat nachos and chips ....

It was not a bad day at all!

I try to set the best example for my children.

I am not always the one these kids should be looking to for guidance - really - but, I do the best I can.

I keep my house clean.

I keep our clothes clean.

I stand up straight and listen when I am spoken to.

I chew with my mouth shut.

I eat all the food on my plate.

I take off muddy shoes at the door.

I do my best.

The other day, I heard Alexis, talking to her cousin in the upstairs hallway of our house.

Alexis says, "When you get older ... you can color your hair any color you want."

My niece says, "I know," in her, don't-act-like-you're-the-only-one-that-knows-everything kind of voice.

Alexis ignored this snippy response, like I have taught her, and proceeded to say, "When I get older ... I'm going to color my hair pink."

My niece, still acting like she is following this conversation says, "Well ... that is just rid-ic-ulous."

Alexis, finding this snippy comment a bit more than she was prepared to just ignore, says, "You're rid-ic-ulous," in her I'm-going-to-have-pink-hair-if-I-want-to kind of voice.

My niece, tiring of this rid-ic-ulous discussion, turns and walks away, but then swings back around and says, "Well ... I've never seen any real person ... with pink hair. You can't have pink hair!"

Alexis, running after her cousin and almost in tears, screams, "I CAN HAVE PINK HAIR IF I WANT TO HAVE PINK HAIR!" at the top of her six year old lungs.

I am standing at the bottom of the stairs, looking up, and Alexis sees me.

She bows her head and shuffles her feet. She says, "Well ... I can," in a very tiny voice.

On the upside ... I just smiled up at her and shook my head and said, "Yes you can." And then I said, "And ... you can also go and apologize to your cousin for screaming like a crazy person," and she did.

Honestly, I don't know who this child has been watching, where she believes it necessary to SCREAM sometimes at the top of her lungs to get her point across ...........

Oh, now I remember ......... that would be ME!

I've been a mom for 16 years.

During that time, I have learned a lot of things.

I have experienced a lot of things.

I have forgotten a lot of things.

I have done many things I have to do - and like to do ... like, giving baths, teaching songs and introducing my children to nature and the great outdoors.

Then ... I have done many things I did not really like doing - you know - like, making meals (not a good cook), cleaning up puke and poop and helping with homework.

One of the things I often do that I don't particularly enjoy doing is ...

Taking the kids to the movies - children's movies - UGH!

I KNOW - there are some folks - like my husband - that thoroughly enjoy going to these movies - I AM NOT ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE - NOPE!

But ... I do it - JUST NOT CRAZY ABOUT THIS DUTY!

Recently, I took Alexis and Little Billy to see Kung Fu Panda.

Alexis begged me everyday since school's been out, "Please, please, please .... please take us to the movies," in that whiny voice that only 6 year old girls have perfected - *screech*

I had put her off as long as I could get away with and so I finally gave in and took them on a Wednesday evening.

We went late - to the 9:10 p.m. showing.

Alexis and Little Billy were so excited to see the movie and even more excited - I think - to be going to this "late showing".

Me --- I am dragging my I-hate-going-to-kid's-movies-unhappy butt out of the van and trying my darnedest to maintain a smile and good disposition - for the sake of these giddy children.

Halfway across the parking, I realized, "I forgot my sweater - CRAP," I blurted out.

Alexis --- so worried this meant something dire - something horrible - so afraid this might mean that we would possibly have to turn around and go back home ----- pipes up, puts a great big smile on her face, speaks in her softest, sweetest voice, "I will just sit on you. I can sit on you to make you warm," so hoping that this suggestion will solve this problem.

Now ... this was very sweet of my darling daughter and I did agree that her sitting on me might very well keep me warm, she, however, is not - is not - a tiny girl. While I sometimes - often even - call her, "My Tiny Girl" - she is not - a tiny girl.

She sat on me.

We ate popcorn.

We drank sodas.

We watched the panda movie - me and my two youngest children.

The lights came up, we threw away our trash and strolled out of the theatre.

Me -----

with my purse slung over my shoulder ...

two kids in tow ...

and ...

SINGING ----

LOUDLY -----

EVERYBODY WAS KUNG FU FIGHTING ...
THOSE CATS WERE FAST AS LIGHTNING ...
IN FACT IT WAS A LITTLE BIT FRIGHTENING ...
BUT THEY FOUGHT WITH EXPERT TIMING ...

THERE WERE FUNKY CHINA MEN ...
FROM FUNKY CHINA TOWN ...
THEY WERE CHOPPING THEM UP ...
THEY WERE CHOPPING THEM DOWN ...

Alexis and Little Billy looking up at me in utter amazement.

With a bit of embarrassment.

In complete awe of my singing abilities.

Little Billy puts his hand on my arm and says, "How do you know it? How do you know that song?"

Well ........... you know I had to set the boy straight ...

Had to make sure he was completely aware ...

I could not let it go ...

I said ...

"Grasshopper ..."

"THIS IS NOT YOUR SONG!"

"THIS IS OUR SONG!" I bellowed.

"THIS SONG WAS BIG - HUGE - WHEN I WAS A KID!" I went on - gazing into Little Grasshopper's eyes.

"OF COURSE I KNOW THIS SONG!"

(*cue mom singing again*)

EVERYBODY WAS KUNG FU FIGHTING ...
THOSE CATS WERE .... FAST AS LIGHTNING ...

I threw in a few Kung Fu karate chopping moves ... to prove my point.

Little Billy was not impressed.

Alexis found me quite funny.

On the upside ... Okay --- So, see! I'm not a total scrooge! Maybe - maybe ---- I do like the occasional kid movie ...

Join me back in 1974 with Carl Douglas ... Feel free to sing along ...

All of my kids are a bit odd - I know this.

I think they are aware of this fact, as well.

As a matter of fact ... I think my kids work hard at being odd - going against the grain - standing out in the crowd - marching to their own beat - they do!

But ...

Of all of my kids ...

Alexis is by far ...

The oddest!

So ...

It could not be more appropriate that Alexis' word of the month is the word --- ODD.

Alexis often has a favorite word that she uses over and over again and for the past month it has been the word ODD.

When we prepared to go on our Utah vacation just after Christmas, Alexis was very excited.

She loved the plane ride even though her ears felt odd when the plane flew above the clouds.

She loved eating in the airport even though she found it odd that there was no McDonalds.

She loved the excitement of passing through security and having to take off her shoes but did find it odd seeing everyone walking around in their socks.

She loved seeing the snow falling from the sky outside the window of the airplane and found it odd that the sight would scare the living day lights out of her mother.

She loved pretending like she was on a roller coaster in the airplane and would throw her hands up in the air when the plane would drop due to turbulence and liked how odd it made her tummy feel.

She was very excited and could not wait to get to ... Utah!.

On the afternoon of our first day, I unpacked Alexis' snow clothes and proceeded to dress her to go out and play in the snow.

She cried.

She whined.

She complained, "These pants feel ODD!"

She complained, "These socks feel ODD!"

She complained, "These gloves feel ODD!"

She complained, "This hat feels ODD!"

She complained, "These boots feel ODD!"

She complained, "Why do I have to wear all these ODD clothes?"

I ignored the complaining and the whining and the crying --- I stood her up and aimed her at the front door, "GO," I said. "GO PLAY IN THE UTAH SNOW!"

"It's not Utah," she turned back towards me. "It's U-T-A-L-L," she insisted with a slight Texas twang.

"Okay," I said. "GO PLAY IN THE U-T-A-L-L SNOW!" and I pushed my oddest child out the front door.

She did not go far.

She walked about 5 steps down the snowy sidewalk.

She turned.

She SCREAMED ...

"I'VE GOT A WEDGIE," at the top of her 7 year old lungs - so all the U-T-A-L-L Mormons could hear her all the way to the Tabernacle in Salt Lake City! "IT FEELS ODD!" she begged me with her eyes.

I walked out the front door.

I turned her around.

I put my hand down the backside of her snow suit and ... yanked those panties out of her butt crack.

She smiled and went on her way.

On the upside ... I threw my hands up in the air, closed my eyes and tried to pretend like I was on a roller coaster ride - WHEEEEEEEEEE - WE'RE HAVING FUN NOW! Oddly enough --- it didn't work for me.

-

Alexis snuck past me and rummaged through the miscellaneous note cards and greeting cards I keep in the special drawer of my dresser.

"I need one of your cards, Mom - it's for someone special."

She picked out one, hid it under her shirt and scurried back out of my room.

I didn't think much about this event as Alexis often steals my cards to give to her bus driver or her teacher or some friend at school.

Alexis has a good heart and often searches for cards to give to people that she loves.

"I love you Mom and thank you for giving birth to me XXXXOOOO

Hugs & Kisses"

"Love from aka Alexis"

"For to aka Mom"

"I never want you to die"

"Mom you are the best mom I've known since I was born. Thank you for everything in my life."

I'm so lucky to have such wonderful children.

I'm so lucky that Alexis loves me.

Alexis is a bit theatrical.

She's a bit of a DRAMA QUEEN!

I have never seen a child throw so many fits over the most ridiculous of things.

Sometimes ...

The drama is predictable and sometimes ...

It comes out of the blue.

Things could be going along swimmingly and BOOM! - Alexis is in sudden MELTDOWN - Arms waving - spit flying - tears flowing - squeals squeaking out of her mouth!

Sometimes ...

I KNOW the meltdown is coming - you know - I'm actually the one that caused the combustion - like when she's in the middle of watching a favorite show and I tell her it's time for her bath - MELTDOWN!

There are many meltdowns like this - I see them coming.

Then ...

There are those that SURPRISE me.

The ones that come out of left field - where something is said or done that rubs her funny ... MELTDOWN!

I don't LIKE any of the meltdowns - don't enjoy the tantrums or whining or crying or theatrics - but ... I do find that I am amused more by the spontaneous, unpredictable meltdowns - sometimes they are just funny.

Recently ...

We were at the theatre - sitting in our seats - waiting for the movie - me, Alexis, Little Billy and one of Little Billy's friends.

Little Billy wanted to go get some candy.

I gave him money.

He stood up.

Alexis ----- MELTDOWN MODE - right out of left field!

Her face got all twisted - squeals squeaked loudly from her mouth - she slid almost completely to the floor as her body began to wrench and spasm! It was ridiculously LOUD. Ridiculously painful to watch and hear and ... ridiculously ... NOT FUNNY!

Little Billy's friend turned slowly in his seat to face the DRAMA QUEEN - and just stared in disbelief.

Alexis' mother - turned quietly in her seat so as to have a better view of the spectacle unfolding - and just stared in disbelief.

Little Billy ---

Moves quickly across the aisle ---

Stands very close to his CRAZY sister ---

Gazes down at her calmly ---

He says ...

In his most excellent "mom" tone ---

The one he's practiced ---

The one he's mimicked ---

The one he uses behind his mom's back and thinks she doesn't notice ---

He says ...

"Well ...

That's - An - Ugly - Face.

Just tell me ...

Tell me ...

What kind of candy do you want."

On the upside ... I guess she thought she wasn't gettin' any candy - WHO KNOWS!?! But ... Little Billy has her figured out - she sat right up, straightened her CRAZY SELF back in her seat and --- quietly --- PUT IN HER CANDY ORDER! *Smiles*

Me --- I needed something more intoxicating than Strawberry Twizzlers or a box of Milk Duds! Instead ... I got an hour and a half of WALL-E and the DRAMA QUEEN munching on Woppers and snuggling up under my arm because ... she was soooooo COLD!

-

Alexis and my niece are the same age - their birthday's are 4 months apart.

They are like sisters.

They spend a lot of time together.

I babysit my niece every afternoon after school and this is time that Alexis gets to spend with her cousin.

They sleep over at each other's houses.

Because my niece lives next door (with the rest of her family - my brother's family) - Alexis and my niece see LOTS of one another.

In the summer - they swim together and play in the sprinklers.

Even though they spend so much time together, most of the time they do get along.

Sometimes they fight.

Sometimes they console each other.

Sometimes they are funny.

The other day - when the two were swimming in our pool, they were competing as to who could do the best - the biggest - canon ball - you know, where they run and grab their knees to their chest and then jump in the water in the shape of a ball - creating a big splash.

Alexis - being the larger of the two - usually makes the biggest splash ... but, my niece continues to try to keep up.

After a while of trying and not succeeding at making the size splash her cousin makes - my niece whines and whimpers a bit, "How do you do it? How do you make it so BIG?" tears rolling down her sun kissed cheeks.

Alexis - being the sweet girl that she is - not wanting her cousin to feel bad, says, "I make a bigger splash just cuz ... I have more... JUNK IN MY TRUNK!"

Her cousin cracked a big smile.

So did the mommy!

On the upside ... Canon balls - definitely one of those times when having MORE JUNK IN YOUR TRUNK might just come in handy!

Alexis opened one of her Christmas presents from Mom and Dad.

She removed the tissue paper from the box and excitedly pulled out a darling jogging outfit (pants and a zippered hoody). It had shiny emblems on the lapel and on the backside of the pant bottoms and it was the lovely shade of pale teal.

Alexis was very excited and said, "I love it. I love this color - this is my favorite color."

I smiled.

Alexis smiled back sweetly at her Mama.

Chloe looked at Courtney, with a smirk on her can't-wait-to-come-up-with-a-sarcastic-remark-teenage-face and said, "What ... grayish teal?" questioning Alexis' enthusiasm over this color.

Courtney, whose wheels are turning now - in her equally-sarcastic-teenage-pea-sized-brain then says, "What ... the color of dead pond water?" and they laugh into each other's faces obnoxiously.

Then, the quick witted Chloe quickly banters back, "What ... the color of bread mold?" and now the two hysterical teenage comedians have thrown their heads back and spit is flying everywhere from all of their rowdy laughter.

And now Courtney's mind is really racing and immediately she says, "What ... like the color of extinct Brontosaurus'?" and she lies down sideways on the couch, laughing so hard she can barely catch her breath.

Chloe, who can not believe how funny she and her sister are, and this is apparent by the way they keep giving each other pokes on the shoulders or exaggerated high-fives, says, "What ... like the color of a decaying sea turtle?" and then falls to the floor, holding her stomach and wipes at the tears running down her face.

Me ... I'm sitting across the room, drinking my coffee as I am watching this episode of Comedy Central and just rolling my eyes.

The darling Alexis, sitting in the middle of the floor, has long since folded her lovely new jogging suit back into its box and has moved onto her next Christmas present -- never once picking up on the ridiculous meanness being hurled at her by her two loving sisters. She loves this new teal jogging suit and has declared that it will be the outfit she will wear for the day.

On the upside ... Sometimes those twins are funny and then sometimes ... they are ... Just. Plain. Stupid.

Alexis believes most anything I tell her.

She depends on me to ... teach her.

She depends on me to ... guide her.

She depends on me to ...

Tell her the truth.

And ...

Most of the time ...

I do.

Tell her the truth.

But ...

Sometimes ...

I can't help myself.

Like the other day ...

When ...

Little Billy came home from one of his out-exploring-the-world afternoons and brought home this ...

"Well ... it's a unicorn horn - of course," I tell Alexis, in response to her question whilst standing in our kitchen.

"But ... are they supposed to be all scaly like that," she reaches over and touches the scaly horn.

I shake my head most confidently, "Why yes - that is how they look when they fall off. And when they fall off ... all the unicorn glitter falls off too - leaving them looking like this," I am smiling a big smile, all the while looking into my darling girl's adorable face.

She is a little excited now.

Excited by the fact that we - she and I - are in possession of a REAL LIVE UNICORN HORN - right in the middle of our kitchen - sitting right there on the kitchen table. She can't stop smiling.

But then ... she does stop smiling for just a moment and says, "Is there really such a thing as unicorns?" I don't know what took her so long to ask.

So ... what do I say?

Do I wiggle my way out of this fantasy discussion?

Do I confess to my ridiculous lies and tell the sweet child the truth?

Or ...

Do I continue with the pretense?

Continue to try to make Alexis believe there are in fact unicorns and they live right in our neighborhood - right near our house?

Yes ...

I lie!

I say ...

"Well ... here's it's horn - isn't it?"

On the upside ... While Alexis and I were happily discussing our unicorn theories in the kitchen ... in the living room - was Little Billy - SCREAMING, "IT'S AN ARMADILLO TAIL! IT'S AN ARMADILLO TAIL AND ...WASH YOUR HANDS AFTER YOU TOUCH IT, BECAUSE DAD SAYS IT CAN HAVE A DISEASE THAT WILL MESS UP YOUR FACE!"

Poor Alexis .......... I'm pretty sure she was better off believing it was a unicorn's horn - yep!

There was practice on Wednesday evenings.

I would take Alexis to gather with her friends and my niece in the choir room on the second floor.

She would chatter in the car on the way across town.

Her excitement was evident.

When I'd pull into the parking lot she would jump from her seat and run from the car as fast as she could.

She would turn back, only briefly, to smile and wave and then she would vanish quickly into the church.

Weeks prior to their first big performance, she would ramble daily about the date to come, the expectations and ... the songs.

She would sing the songs for me.

She would practice her movements.

And then ...

The big day finally arrived.

Alexis set her Betty Boop alarm clock and rose early.

She put on her pretty floral church dress and white shoes.

Mama fixed her hair and sprayed it with a touch of hairspray.

She was ready.

I, with my family, found a seat in the church near the front.

My sister-in-law sat on my right side and my husband was on my left.

My twin daughters were there as well.

We waited.

The music began.

The children entered the sanctuary and made their way to the stage, in front of the pulpit.

They walked quietly and orderly.

They formed a semi-circle ... 3 rows of 10.

They each wore burgundy choir robes in petite sizes.

They looked like little angels.

I searched the faces of the children.

I looked for my niece and I found her.

I waved.

I looked for Alexis.

I looked some more.

I leaned over to my sister-in-law, "Where's Alexis? Do you see Alexis?"

She gazed over at the children.

She leaned back towards me, "There she is," and she pointed, "There --- the one ... wiping the snot ... on her robe sleeve."

"Oh, yes - now I see her ........."

On the upside ... They sang beautifully.

When Alexis was little(er), ... she used to believe that every show on TV could be rewound to watch over - because her favorite movies on VHS tapes could be rewound to be watched again and again.

It took a while to get her to understand that this was .. not so.

When Alexis was little(er) ... she used to think that anytime you needed money you should just go up to a cash machine and extract money - it was there - free - for the taking.

It took a while to get her to understand that this was ... not so.

When Alexis was little(er) ... she used to believe that dinosaurs were real and lived in the forest with the fairies and the trolls.

One day, not long ago, Alexis was near me in the kitchen.

She was sitting at the table drawing a picture while I prepared dinner.

"That's really a good picture," I said, as I walked by her on my way across the room.

She looked up at me and smiled, "Did you like art when you were a little girl?" she asked.

"I did," I answered, "I loved art."

She straightened up in her chair ...

She tilted her head ...

She said ...

"Was art your favorite class or ... did you like computer class better?"

On the upside ... When I was little ... I lived in the forest with the dinosaurs and the fairies. And ... when I went to school ... I took typing class with all the other little trolls and we learned to type on brand new Smith Corona typewriters. Occasionally, we heard rumors of giant computers that would one day take over the world, but ... we never worried about such things - out in the forest. We were too busy fixing our CORRECT-O Tape, changing out typewriter ribbons and ... chipping arrow heads with flat rocks ... in Art class.

It took a while to convince Alexis that this was indeed ... SO!

Alexis is a sweet child.

Oh ... she has her moments, but ...

She is sweet.

She often thinks of others.

She is good about compromising.

She is good about sharing.

She tries to remember every important thing you ever say.

She often wants a candy while at the grocery store and always asks for one for her brother, as well.

When I buy her a new pair of shoes - she will beg to buy a pair for her cousin.

When my mother is over around dinner time - she always begs for her to stay and eat.

When someone is wincing in pain - she is the first to run to their aid.

So ...

I was not a bit surprised when she asked, "Can I buy my new teacher some flowers?" just before heading out the door on the evening of Meet The Teacher Night at her school.

"I guess we could do that," I agree.

Then ... it began to pour the rain.

It rained buckets.

It was a sloshy mess.

"I don't think we will be able to go to the store for the flowers - in this rain," I tell her.

She gets a glum look on her face.

"Why don't we just go on to school and we will make sure to buy her some on Sunday night - that way you can take them to her on the first day of school - on Monday?" I suggest.

She seems happy with this idea.

She smiles.

We go to her school.

We enter her new classroom.

We meet her teacher.

While sitting at her new little desk - putting her supplies in her desk and writing her name on Crayon boxes and folders and rulers - she steps real close to me and she whispers ...

"I don't want to buy her flowers anymore," and she bows her head.

"Why?" I ask.

She just shakes her head, but refuses to elaborate or offer a reason.

I let it go.

On the upside ... Alexis may be a sweet girl, but ... if she thinks you iz ugly ... you ain't gettin' any flowers.

*******************

Disclaimer: I posted this story on the evening of 9/2/08 and then pulled it - as the content offended one of my readers. I am now reposting it - as this is my blog and this is a funny story.

Just for the record --- Alexis never said that her teacher was "ugly". Her teacher IS NOT ugly. As a matter of fact - she is quite attractive. Upon meeting her new teacher, Alexis was obviously a bit disenchanted and it was clear by the look on her face and then later in her words. I wrote this post the way I saw the situation. It was not meant to impress that the teacher was actually "ugly". What does a 7 year old know of "ugly", anyway. If you are not wearing a crown on your head and sparkly shoes on your feet - you might not quite fit what Alexis believes is "magical". She's 7 - I think she was looking for crowns and glittery shoes or a second grade teacher that walked on air or floated above the room. When she saw that her new teacher was different than she expected - she was no longer enthused about giving flowers. Once she gave her new teacher a chance (which I had every confidence that she would) ... she fell in love with her. She hasn't stopped talking about her. This post was meant to be a funny little story as seen through the eyes of a mother watching her 7 year old. It was not meant to be taken literally or meant to hurt anyone. If it did - I am sorry. I come from a long line of teachers and have tremendous respect for all teachers - especially those of my 4 children and even ... the ugly ones!

So ... we went shopping.

I took Alexis, Little Billy and my Mom.

We had been out all day - been to Michaels - been to Marshalls - been to Michaels for a ... LONG TIME.

We ended up at Dillards - in the ladies dress department - it was our last stop.

Alexis is in the dressing room with her mama - supervising the trying on of the dresses.

"I like that one - I don't like that one - That one is not your size," she was quite the little helper.

At one point, I told her that I was almost done and we'd be going home soon - I was tired.

"What kind of tired are you?" she wanted to know. "Tired of shopping --- or sleepy tired?"

"Both," I said, removing the ugly yellow and black skirt I should have left on the display rack.

Alexis got a pitiful look on her face, "That means you won't be able to make us dinner," she said, in a very fretful voice.

"Oh ... I'll make you dinner."

Big smile from Alexis.

In the car on the ride home, Alexis turns to Little Billy, "We'll probably eat those Kid's Cuisine meals (frozen kids meals) - when we get home," she looks over to make sure her brother is listening. "Mom is tired," she goes on, "She's BOTH kinds of tired."

No response from the confused brother.

A chuckle from the mom.

On the upside ... I STAY tired, child ... ALL KINDS of tired! Thank goodness for helpful supervisors in the ladies dressing room and thank Heavens for ... Kid's Cuisine!

When I had my twins - 15 years ago - I think I was a pretty good mother.

I think I was like most new mothers, in that I did everything by the book. I kept them on a schedule, I burped them after each feeding, I gave them a bath nearly every single day, I put shoes and socks on their feet, I brushed their hair and put lovely pony-tails on the sides of their heads. I was a good mom.

The more kids I began to have, the farther and farther I began to stray from the "model mother" persona that I once resembled. Actually, it probably began to fade long before I actually gave birth to my son. The beginning of the downward spiral was - oh ... probably after about the first year after my twins were born.

So ... that means - if am going to be honest - that I have been a less than "model mother" for at least 15 years - giving myself credit for being exceptional for merely one year!

Yep - that sounds about right.

I have been very aware of this failing for many, many years. It bothers me, of course, and I often try to do better - but, I am just a mediocre mom in most regards. I yell - far too much! I complain - far too much! I set very high expectations - way too much! On some things - like school - I think I am pretty successful as a mother. And, in raising some pretty fun, loving and socially adept children - I have done well. But ... there are certainly some areas that I am miserable at and have failed pathetically. I am a mediocre mom. I know all this.

Yesterday, Alexis came over to where I was sitting on the couch and stood in front of me.

In her hand she held a banana.

I watched as she began eating this banana.

Suddenly ... I saw ... as she folded down the peel, the nastiest bruise on the side of the banana.

In my mind I thought, "Is she going to keep eating that yucky, bruised banana?"

She took another bite.

In my mind I thought, as I squinted my eyes and my stomach turned a flip, "Is she going to eat that yucky part of that banana?"

She took yet another bite.

In my mind I thought, "Should I tell her? Should I tell her?" and then I watched, through squinted eyelids (because I couldn't watch out-right or I felt like I surly might throw up), as she took a big bite - eating the yucky bruised part of the banana.

She stood in front of me and ate the whole banana - yucky, squishy, bruised parts and all.

I let her.

I never said a word.

I debated about telling her, but thought, "It won't kill her. If she likes the taste and the texture doesn't bother her - let her eat it. I wouldn't eat it, but it won't kill her. It shouldn't do anything to her, other than encourage astonishment from others if she ever does it around anyone outside of our house. That's okay - my sister has been known to eat boiled shrimp - shells and all (blech!) - Alexis will fit right in - as long as she always sits next to my sister. "

Being as Alexis is the 4th child - it occurred to me - while I watched her eat this banana - that I would have had a hard time eating - that I have never told that child about rotten fruit. Either that - or she chose to ignore this lesson and has decided to distinguish between those things she will eat and won't eat, on her own. I prefer to believe the latter.

This is just an example of how my mothering skills have seriously deteriorated over the years. Somewhere along the way, I stopped teaching the lesson about rotten fruit.

I'm certain there are many other lessons that I have failed to teach Alexis that I probably taught my first born children - because she is at the tail-end of our line of children and also because she has been stuck with me as her mother (*sigh*).

I hope she survives.

On the upside ... I guess with Alexis around, not much fruit will ever go to waste in our house. And ... when my kids eat boiled shrimp, I'll try to remind them to peel the shells off first. My poor sister - she didn't realize you weren't supposed to eat the shells until I told her (you should have seen my face when I saw her crunching on those shrimp and then how we laughed - HA!) - just this past summer - she's in her 40's. I wonder why our mother never told my poor sister to take off those shells? Maybe my poor mothering skills aren't my fault at all - maybe it's just a disease that has been passed down from generation to generation in our family. That's probably what happened. We're just defective or genetically challenged in the mothering department.

It's always so rewarding to realize that your kids hear what you say.

Learn the lessons you've been trying to teach them.

Express themselves or say something that reflects ideas that they've learned from you.

This happened recently when I was sitting by the pool.

Alexis and my niece were swimming - splashing around - kicking and waving their arms and legs - diving.

Before too long, they settled down and swam over to sit on the step on the side of the pool. They were talking and laughing and then suddenly ... one of them sees a roly-poly floating in the water.

They grabbed a bucket and fished it out - saved it - and set it down gently on the edge of the pool

My niece must have been going to kill the thing ... because Alexis suddenly screams, "NO -DON'T KILL IT! DON'T KILL IT!" and she cups her hand over it to protect it.

I was so proud.

I smiled.

We often talk about how you shouldn't kill God's creatures - not even the bugs and ... especially not for the fun of it.

I was so pleased that Alexis had learnt this lesson - showed compassion for this nasty little bug.

But, then ...

Just about the time the pride beaming off of me was about to blind my niece and daughter with its brilliant LIGHT ........

Alexis ...

Takes her hand off the bug ...

Picks up a stick off the ground ...

And says ...

"Let's play hockey with it - instead," and she wacks the roly-poly ... clear across the sidewalk and down into the grass.

(*sigh*)

On the upside ... I guess Alexis hasn't been listening to a thing I've been saying. Looks to me like she's been paying closer attention to her redneck brother!

Little Billy is not a very big boy.

His daddy is right at 6'.

His granddaddy on his daddy's side is 6'2".

He's got a few uncles that are 6' or more.

Little Billy's mama is 5'3" and his mama's sister - Little Billy's aunt - is 5'2".

One of Little Billy's grandmothers is 5' even.

It's hard to tell how tall Little Billy will end up being - giving that there are both short people and tall people all around him.

For now ...

Little Billy is ...

Little.

Anyways ...

At dinner recently, I asked Little Billy, "So ... are you going to go to work with Daddy tomorrow?"

Before Little Billy could answer, Alexis spoke up and said, "I want to go - I'll go to work with Daddy tomorrow."

I smiled.

Little Billy looked at his small sister and said, "I don't think you could go. It's not a place for girls. It's a place for men."

I smiled.

I said, "Men?"

Little Billy smiled and said, "Yes - men," very confidently.

Alexis laughed at this comment.

I looked over at my little boy and noticed his small nose and little hands and tiny face. I said, "You're still only a boy," trying hard not to crush his manly ego.

"I'm almost a man," he took a hunkin' bite of his pizza.

I smiled.

"When will you be a man?" I watched him shove the pizza into his mouth like any MAN would do.

He giggled. "I don't know - soon," he answered sternly, looking me right in the eye.

Alexis couldn't help herself. She giggled uncontrollably. I nudged her under the table. She said, through all her giggles, "You're ... you're ... only ... e-lev-en years old," pronouncing her words very clearly and laughing.

Little Billy smiled. "What do you know? I'm more of a man than you are."

Alexis, searching for a great come-back, looked up at me for assistance.

On the upside ... I couldn't help her much. I couldn't resist but say, "Sorry, Hon - He's got ya there!"

Billy smiled, a manly smile.

Alexis grumbled - frowned - and went back to eating her pizza.

The first day of Spring Break was a bit of a work day. The Mom and Dad doing quite a bit of clean up around the ol' lake house - the kids not doing much work at all. Mom sprayed off and cleaned all decks and washed towels, while the Dad trimmed shrubs, blew off patios and washed a few windows. Not much time on this first day for boating - maybe tomorrow.

Billy and Alexis on our lower dock making BIG bubbles and feeding ducks.

Alexis - the only one brave enough to get in the water! That water had to be 40 degrees. Even with it being 90 degrees outside - THAT IS TOO COLD!!

She was in heaven and had the whole pool to herself!

Alexis stopped swimming long enough to pick some flowers and bring them to her mama.

She's a sweet girl.

It's not the best picture - but, I caught the sunset from our upper deck.

We often run to the upper deck in the evenings to catch the sun as it is going down - it's always a beautiful view.

Once it gets dark - the light comes on in the water just off our deck. This light draws the fish and the ducks. It's fascinating to watch the different fish that come - it's like sitting in front of a giant aquarium. Mostly we see Perch, Catfish, Bass and Turtles. Sometimes we see Alligator Gar.

Little Billy likes to throw food out to bring the fish, but the ducks steal most of the food.

Alexis spends lots of time on the back deck - she loves it there and the ducks have come to love her - she feeds them lots of dog food.

Didn't see much of the big girls today - they were napping and hanging out with their friends. Tomorrow I will encourage them to get out in the sun. They might even wakeboard. Maybe I'll get some better pictures tomorrow.

Have a good Sunday everyone!!!