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I am often the last person to find out stuff.

Like ...

When we are down to the last roll of toilet paper in the house.

Like ...

When we are out of vanilla ice cream and the bottle of Hershey's syrup is merely an empty bottle taking up space on the top shelf in the refrigerator.

Like ...

When I head across town to shop at a favorite store and I pull up to an OUT OF BUSINESS sign pasted inside the front window.

Recently ... I had to make a trip to Walgreens.

I grabbed my purse, slipped on my sandals and headed for the front door.

"Alexis - come get your shoes on - go with me to Walgreens," I yell down into the family room.

"I don't want to go."

"Do I have to go?"

"Why do I have to go?"

"Why are you going?"

"What are you going for?"

"Isn't it dinner time?"

She did not want to go.

"I've just gotta go pick up something real quick. Come on - go get on your shoes," I begin to beg.

"I don't want to go."

"Do I have to go?"

"Why do I have to go?"

"Why are you going?

"What are you going for?"

"Isn't is dinner time?"

She is stalling!

"A-LEX-IS! COME ON - it won't take that long." I go over to the back door and pick up her flip-flops and hand them too her.

"Why can't Little Billy watch me?

And ... Chandler? Chandler is downstairs playing with Little Billy.

They can watch me," she squeals - while - NOT - putting on her shoes.

I am becoming frustrated. "They can't watch you - just get your shoes and let's go!"

She puts her hands on her hips - walks over real close to me - bends her head way back and says ... "Why can't they watch me ... the two of them together make one grown-up."

On the upside ... Okay, okay okay .... this is something I would have loved to have known about A. LONG. TIME. AGO! I can't tell you the number of times over the years that I would have been ... stacking me some kids ... to make me SOME GROWN-UPS!

-

When Little Billy goes to school, he and Alexis always ride the bus.

There is entirely too much that goes on around the On The Upside household for Little Billy's mother to take the time to perform parent pick-up or parent-drop off, everyday!

NOPE! All the kids take the bus.

Little Billy's mom loves the public school bus system!!

She started sending Little Billy to school on the school bus, when he was 5 years old - Kindergarten.

She made sure he attended school everyday for 6 years - all the way through 5th grade. This is a total of approximately 190 or so days a year; 1140 days over the course of 6 years - that she has been putting him on the bus and sending him off to elementary school.

That is, with the exception of one day.

His LAST DAY of school.

The LAST DAY of elementary school.

The LAST DAY of 5th grade.

On this day, he asked to be driven to school by his dad - in the Corvette - and be dropped at the front door of the school (parent drop-off) - to mark the occasion.

His dad happily obliged.

Little Billy's mother was up early, getting herself ready to go to the ceremony at the school that morning. She was locked away in her bathroom - when her son was chauffeured away to school by his father.

Little Billy's mom managed to make it to the school just in time for the start of the ceremony.

She found a seat.

She prepared her camera.

And ... settled in with all the other anxious parents ... for the commencement to begin.

As the children began to file in - to take their seats at the front of the auditorium - IT WAS THEN THAT ... Little Billy's mother REALIZED that ... she had....... FORGOTTEN SOMETHING!

She'd had 6 years ...

1140 days ...

Many, many mornings and many, many bus rides ...

Leading up to this day.

This LAST DAY of school.

This LAST DAY of elementary.

This LAST DAY of 5th grade.

This DAY OF GRADUATION!

Why then?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why had she not prepared more properly?

Planned more thoroughly?

Why would she have ALLOWED her 11 years old son - the GRADUATE - the namesake of the On The Upside family - to step up on that stage ...

To accept his certificate and recognitions for "A Honor Roll", The Presidents Award For Educational Excellence (90 GPA or above all year long) and the Citizenship Award ...

WEARING ...

CAMO?

Not a suit and tie - like most of the other 5th grade boys.

Not nice attire like all the 5th grade girls.

Nooooooo ...

Little Billy ...

The family's namesake ...

The pride and joy boy-child of the On The Upside family ....

was ...

WEARING ...

CAMO!

CRAP!

CRAP!

CRAP!

This was all Little Billy's mom could think as she focused on her son through the viewfinder of her camera - CRAP!!

On The Upside ... Hey - Billy's Mom!! What are you going to let the boy wear when he walks across the stage for his high school GRADUATION - Surfer shorts, a muscle shirt and FLIP FLOPS? (*Little Billy's mother hangs her head in shame*)

I have quite a following on my site - right?

Why?

I have had many people comment or e-mail me - over the past 4 months - asking me this very question. Why? How did I do it? Why me?

On one hand, I am a little insulted by this question, as I have dedicate a huge amount of time and creativity into my writing and I would like to think that a percentage of visitors come to my site to read what I have written - hear what I have to say. I'd like to think that they think I am smart and funny and offer entertaining stories and useful information. I like to think that I have earned their respect and therefore they look forward to reading about my children and family and that they feel invested in not only my life, but in my success as a blogger - as well.

I know some of the reasons why I have the following that I have.

I have worked my butt off for 4 months! I have visited thousands of sites. I have left thousands of comments. I have written hundreds of stories and tried very, very hard to make those stories fun and interesting and creative and well written. I have analyzed ways to improve my traffic and even implemented some of those tools. I have tried my very best to fit into this world of Mommy Bloggers and I have done that. I have done everything possible to make friends and make those friends realize how much I need them and how much they mean to me. I have made many, many good friends.

One of the reasons I have so many visitors to my site is because I went out and brought them to me. Many of the friends I have - are ones that I went out and found and the reasons they keep coming back - I believe - is because I continue to support each and every one of those friends. I would be very surprised if any one of my bloggy friends were able to say that this is not true. And, yes, I have some visitors that came across my blog on their own and are now also my friends, but they too would have to say that I am equally as loyal to them by constantly staying in touch and visiting their sites as well.

Everyone of you that has a blog knows just how difficult it is to keep up with a blog. Keep up with posting and visiting other sites. It is nearly impossible to do it every single day. But ... I have tried to do it. I have committed, every single day, to visiting other sites and reading and leaving comments. I visit every single site that leaves me a comment (some days as many as 80 sites). In addition, I visit other sites along the way. In any given day, I can visit 100's of sites. Why do I do this? I do it - to show my loyalty and to encourage loyalty to me. And ... it has been very rewarding.

I think that I have a good site. I think I have a unique format and I have worked very hard to create a positive forum. It is who I am and it works for me because I have tried very hard to build my site on the foundation of strong beliefs. I do not often complain in the normal "ranting" fashion - while I do have many complaints (just like everyone) in my life - just because that is how I have chosen to write on my site. I do complain - but I try to put a funny spin on the story and I do that for several reasons. One, because it often makes for a better story and two, because if I give myself permission to rant - I am afraid I will run crazy ranting all of the time!

I am not perfect - nor do I have perfect kids or do we live a hysterically funny life at my house. I am generally a serious person and yet I have always considered myself to be creative and through my writing I am able to stretch my creative tendencies by writing stories that are funny or touching or stimulating or whatever! I work constantly on my writing techniques to develop new and interesting ways to tell a story. Having this blog has enabled me to see my life (through my writing of these stories) in a different way and see my children and the raising of them - through an entirely new view. I work daily to find a story to write and sometimes I come up with a good story and sometimes I don't. But, I have dedicated a lot of time and energy into finding and documenting these stories for my pleasure and for the pleasure of those that visit my site.

I sometimes feel as though the success I have experienced on my site - creates bad feelings (I won't go into why I say this - but there have been incidents that have occurred). I have never, not even once, used the success of my site to hurt any other blogger. I have tried to do just the opposite by offering many bloggers advise on how I have accomplished my success and been very open to helping anyone that asks. I have always been loyal to every single one of my bloggy friends and invested many hours into getting to know each one individually as best I can. I have always felt embarrassed to post awards I have been given, but feel obliged to recognize those that give me the awards and happy to introduce those individuals to my readers. Awards given from one blogger to another are indeed nice, but they are also a means for bloggers to create traffic to their own sites and I don't have a problem promoting other people's sites and am happy to do that.

I, like everyone, love to receive comments on my posts. I love the feedback and enjoy seeing the ideas or thoughts that something I have written can provoke. I love feeling like I touch people through my stories and my writing. I love telling a good story and love being able to share my children and our lives with all of you. I do not like feeling, though, that any success I have had is in anyway making someone else feel inadequate or unsuccessful. I know very well that there are many bloggers out there that are telling just as many great stories and writing them as well or better than me - that do not have the following I have. I visit many of those bloggers and read those stories. I support those bloggers. I have always searched out bloggers that were hurting for readers, because I know very well how hard it is to create a following and I have made tremendous efforts to find and help those people. I have done this intentionally, as I feel that everyone should be offered the same respect and opportunities as I have enjoyed and I do not hesitate to offer my site and its success as leverage for new or struggling bloggers.

I seldom write my posts "directly" to my audience. I write my stories as if they are "articles" and format my posts in the form of dialog or narritive - I do this on purpose. I am not the sort of blogger that offers a run-down of my daily events or intricate daily details about my children or myslef. I offer some of this information through my stories - but I do not "talk" right to my audience - like I am right now. I have done that on purpose - it is the format or technique I have chosen for my blog. I seldom ever respond to a comment in my comments. I have, on my site, tried to keep a distance between myself and my stories - I do this on purpose. I have attempted to create a site that stands on its own - the stories stand on their own - without my daily moods or personal traits influencing the stories. While I am obviously the one writing the stories and my picture is right there on the front page - I write my posts as a story that offers just a "glimpse" into our lives and who we are - who I am. I do this intentionally and believe that this is part of the reason that people may feel like they really don't know me.

My goal in blogging is to continue to write my stories. To continue to create even more of a following and I won't apologize for that. I want to continue to make friends and support as many people as I can possibly support. I want to only feel that my contribution is positive.

I know there are those people that - no matter what I say or what any of us do - will look for reasons to use my success against me. I can only say that I enjoy the success because I have worked very hard for it. I will continue to work hard for it - as long as I feel it is positive for me.

I began this post - because I was frustrated. I do not want to feel frustrated at anytime - having this blog - that has been such a gift in my life. I felt it was necessary to answer these questions and to also describe some of the feelings I have been experiencing.

I hope I have your continued support and want to impress that you certainly have mine.

I have been blogging for about 10 months.

Over the course of these 10 months, I have thoroughly enjoyed sharing my life, my children and my stories with many readers.

I have also enjoyed getting to know many wonderful women/moms through my blog.

I have also .... been very fortunate during this time ... to not have received very many negative comments on my posts. I've received a few - but, not many at all.

I did receive one VERY NEGATIVE comment yesterday (Wednesday 6/18/08).

Now ... I would like to just let this comment go and not say anything, but this comment - this person - gives me the opportunity to set a few things straight.

I was a bit angry about this comment.

My anger was not about the honesty - I very much appreciate honesty from my readers.

My anger was not about the words - while some could have been chosen better - I am all about words!

My anger was that ... "This woman doesn't know me. She has no clue what she is talking about. She obviously has not read any of my other posts, or she would not feel free to say such things."

I was frustrated that someone would say something so "mean" based on one post. If she had TRULY read the over 300 posts I have written - I do not feel she could have said these things. This, therefore - made me mad!

I'm not going to try to defend myself in detail against this person's comments - I am only going to say ...

My stories are a mere GLIMPSE into my life - mere moments.

My stories - my blogging - is a way for me to document my children's lives - my life - my family's life and this is a blessing and a gift!

My stories are intended to offer others ... moments where they can laugh or cry - where they can witness or relate to another mother that does not always get everything right and is not ashamed to admit that. A place where they can go daily and find a good story and hopefully leave with a smile on their face.

My blog is a place for me to write my stories - a creative outlet - something I love doing and something that is mine and something that I deserve to indulge in if I care too. It's my blog and I use it to tell stories that I think people will enjoy.

My blog is a HAPPY place - I created it for that purpose - I intended it that way! It is not a place where people come to fight - to knit-pick - to ridicule anybody! It is a HAPPY PLACE! It is not a teaching blog. I am not here to tell anyone how to live their life or impose my opinions or beliefs on anyone. My blog is simply a place for me to tell my stories.

I write about the stuff I do wrong in mothering - a lot! I write about the mistakes I have made. I write about the things my kids say. I write about the things we do in our lives. I write about a lot of things .... and I do all of it with LOVE for my family.

I DO NOT write about all the things I do right in my life - not often anyway, and that is because ---- THAT STUFF IS NOT FUNNY!

It's all pretty simple.

I am proud of my blog.

I am proud of my stories.

I am proud of the type of mother I am and I believe my children would say the same.

I am not going to go on and on defending who I am and all I have done right - while I could do that - I could write a good, LONG list. I'm not going to.

I don't have to.

I know who I am.

I know why I blog.

I believe my stories are a gift, not only to my children and family ---- but to my readers.

I don't think this reader will ever come back to my site - as she stated she wouldn't. But ... if she were to want to come back ... she is always welcome here at On The Upside.

But, beware ...

I will not be changing the way I write ...
I will not be changing the way I parent ...
I will not be happy if you leave another "mean" comment ...

And ...

By the way ...

Alexis ate Captain Crunch for breakfast again this morning - it was 10:10 A.M. and I actually got my lazy butt up off the chair and went into the kitchen and got her bowl out of the cabinet and I even poured the cereal and splashed on the milk.

You are always welcome here ...

Everyone is welcome here ...

Anyone that enjoys a funny story or a touching story ...

Is welcome here at ...

On The Upside!

But ... keep your MEAN and UNINFORMED comments to yourself or I will DELETE it. As easy as it is for you to say MEAN and UNINFORMED things - it is just as easy to ERASE THEM!

I let you have your say this time. And, I will let others have their say - as long as the comments are not uninformed and mean. I don't do that to anyone else and I won't allow others to do it to me.

Here is the negative comment that was left yesterday:

"seriously, i empathize, but why don't you do something fun with your kids? i see you were nominated for best humor blog but i don't think this is funny.get off your butt and stop living your life on the internet. you have a small banner that says "vote for me" - why don't you stop worrying about the online popularity contest and give your kids a fun summer to remember? best parenting blog? no, it is not. you admit this stuff to make people laugh, but it just makes me sad. when your kids are out of the house you are going to wish you had spent less time blogging and more time with them."

"i'm just reading your comments on this. let's support each other in our "good enough mothering!"this is my first time here, i can't come back. it breaks my heart. good enough mothering? no.i'm not out there planning stuff for my kid for every second of the day, but this is ridiculous." June 18, 2008 8:52 AM

Now ... in true On The Upside fashion ... lets see if we can find an upside anywhere in this mess of words.

"seriously, i empathize, but why don't you do something fun with your kids?" --- I took them to that damn Kung Fu Movie the other night - does that count? DID YOU SEE THAT POST!? And ... I'm at the lake with my kids, as I type this post - need I say more.

"i see you were nominated for best humor blog but i don't think this is funny" ---- That's okay - this is not really my funniest post - I've written far funnier stories before - read one of those.

"get off your butt and stop living your life on the internet" ---- Would it really be possible for me to live my whole life on the internet and raise the 4 wonderful children that I have into the fine people they are becoming? I don't think so! And ... last time I looked - this is MY LIFE and I can live it anyway I see fit for me and for my family. Don't presume that just because I have a "busy" blog that I spend all my time on the internet either. What I do is none of anyone's business, but I assure you - it is interesting and fun and busy and productive and ... centered around 4 children and a husband and 5 pets and extended family and friends and 2 homes and a business.

"you have a small banner that says "vote for me" - why don't you stop worrying about the online popularity contest and give your kids a fun summer to remember?" ---- I'm not worried about these contests - but, I do want my blog to be popular. I love sharing my stories and I want as many readers as I can find. And, as for the summer ... I'm at the lake with my kids - need I say more!

" best parenting blog? no, it is not. " ---- I guess this is where we'd have to DEFINE this category. In some people's eyes - I guess I might be considered a darn good parent. In others - likely not. That's cool! That's why there are red cars and blue cars and yellow cars and silver cars ... so everyone can have what they want. Everyone is entitled to their opinion.

" you admit this stuff to make people laugh, but it just makes me sad. when your kids are out of the house you are going to wish you had spent less time blogging and more time with them." ---- I've spent the last 16 years ... with my children - nearly every single day! I spend plenty of time with my kids (All straight A, honor roll students, by the way; 2 are gifted, one is in Boy Scouts, 2 play basketball and softball, one is in gymnastics ...) - if I am not the one spending time with these kids then there is someone that looks an awful lot like me in my house doing that job. And ... my kids are going to find all of my stories to be a GIFT when they grow older. They are going to know how I really felt about them - what I was really thinking - how I heard so many of their words and listened to what they had to say. And ... YES ... I write this stuff to make people laugh. If they are laughing at my stories then I feel happy about that. I try very hard to make my stories humorous. Life is not always happy and if someone enjoys my blog and knows that they can come here daily to read a story that is likely going to make them laugh - then I think I am doing something very RIGHT!

"i'm just reading your comments on this. let's support each other in our "good enough mothering!"this is my first time here, i can't come back. it breaks my heart. good enough mothering? no.i'm not out there planning stuff for my kid for every second of the day, but this is ridiculous." ----- I am not the one that wrote that I was a "good enough mother". I think my title to this last post was, "The Loser-est Mom Ever". It's satire. I am not a loser as a mother - but ... I have my moments and I will have many more. If that is "Good enough mothering" - then that's what I am. It's SATIRE and it is a MERE GLIMPSE INTO MY LIFE - the other 96% you don't see and likely will never see.

I'm done now.

Keep an eye out for a "funny" post tomorrow. Back to business as usual.

Note: If you are so inclined to leave comments on my blog - feel free to be honest - but, BE NICE or I WILL DELETE YOUR COMMENT and ... I will probably write a post about it and talk about you the next day - because this is MY BLOG and I can do that! HA!

And ... PLEASE do not attack this person that left this negative comment - that is not my intent of this post!

Okay - I watch a lot of entertainment TV. Sometimes I try to call it the News, but friends of mine are quick to point out that "it is not the news".

I don't care - I still watch it.

So ... what do you think about all this stuff going on with Britney Spears and her kids?

I just want to wring her neck. Did you see that "news" piece where she was driving somewhere and the two little boys were in the back seat, with all the cameras flashing - and the two little boys were so scared and they were holding hands? I just want to wring her neck.

I heard some other actress say, "She doesn't have to live in LA. She could take those kids and just go somewhere else and live - away from all the press."

There ya go. It doesn't get any simpler than that! She's got the money to live anywhere. Why doesn't she just take those boys, go to some island, let them swim a little, play in the sand, make some castles, collect some seashells? What is the matter with her brain? And where is her MOTHER!!!!???? Get those kids outta there!

Why isn't there anyone - a cousin - an aunt - Madonna - telling this girl that she is an idiot and she needs to grow up? Why isn't anyone, but Kevin F. fighting for those kids?? All I'd have to do is look at my kids the wrong way, get caught doing so on a Wal-Mart security camera ... and CPS would be at my house taking away my kids.

She doesn't deserve those kids. She should have never had those kids. She was on TV again yesterday, being filmed with no panties on (enough of that already!) and out at 2:30 a.m. partying. She's a mess and someone needs to get her some help! Why does she keep going out (every single day!) and there are those kids in the back seat? I can go DAYS without feeling the need to leave my house and I don't have anyone doing the grocery shopping for me. Where is she always going that is so important? I only ever see her shopping or partying. She needs to stay home or get to work.

If they give her back those kids (while she's still acting like a maniac) - I am going out there to LA and getting them myself! I am!

I make the rounds.

I wash the last of the nightly dishes in the sink.

I wipe off the kitchen counter.

I let the cat out the back door - flip on the outside porch light - flip off the kitchen light and head upstairs.

I stop by the bathroom in the hallway and clean up the water splattered on the counter and mirror - put away toothbrushes and paste and flip off the light.

In the hallway, I lower the thermostat to a cool 73 degrees.

I turn back slowly and kick the door to my son's room open gently with my foot.

And then ... I see him.

He's lying perfectly still on top of his comforter.

His arms are criss-crossed across his chest - like a dead person in a coffin.

His eyes are closed.

He's wearing his jeans.

He's wearing a red t-shirt.

He's wearing his high-top Converse sneakers. The one's that are black, but are embossed on the sides with flashy designs of orange and yellow flames.

The light from the hallway shines into his little-boy-room and I can see those sneakers - those flames - clearly.

I walk over to his bed.

I nudge him.

He stays very still.

I say, "Little Billy," and I nudge him again.

Still - no movement.

I shake him harder, "Why didn't you change your clothes?" he stirs a bit. "Why aren't you in your pajamas?" he uncrosses his arms and opens his eyes - suspiciously more awake than a "dead" - truly, sleeping person would be. "Why do you still have on your shoes?" I tug on the closest Converse.

The boy flings his skinny arms above his head and rolls onto his side. He stretches, he arches his back - he mumbles ... "Because --- I didn't want to have to ... tie them again ... tomorrow," he pulls a pillow over his head.

The warden walks away.

She turns off the lights behind her and ... shuffles on down the corridor.

On the upside ... I am like a prison warden. I make the nightly rounds and then check in on the inmates - make sure all is good in A.L.C.A.T.R.A.Z. Some inmates are happy to follow the rules - do the normal things. But ... there are often rebels - trying to make their own rules - trying to come up with ways to stay a step ahead of everyone else. Some that skip showers and tooth brushing - wear their clothes over and over again and put their shoes on - before - they go to bed - lacing them up perfectly - so they are READY TO GO - back out to the yard - the next day. They are good for a laugh - these rebel inmates. (*hear off in the distance prison doors slam shut - lights off - warden slips into the shadows and heads off to bed*)

Am I the only one that doesn't understand blogging? What does Blog mean, anyway? I think about "clogging"every time I hear the word "blog" and I don't even know what clogging really is. I know what clogs are, though, and this is where my mind eventually ends up - on a pair of clogs I wore when I was thirteen years old. At Ross (discount department store) the other day, I saw a pair of clogs for sale in the shoe isle and thought about - those same stupid clogs. Why is it that I can remember a pair of shoes I wore 30 years ago, but I can't sometimes remember how old I am or any of my teachers names in school? I can't remember where I put my things, why I go into certain rooms, if I washed my hair in the shower, what years my children were born, anybody's name, names of movie stars, what my grandmother's first name was, the exact date of my last period, to buy toilet paper and dog food, what channels my favorite shows are on, how to use my cell phone or have any idea how to do Algebra, long division (double digits) or percentages without a calculator. But ... I remember those brown, suede clogs!

I am officially losing my mind and it is at this point in my life that I decide to learn about "clogging" - I mean "blogging". On the upside - I know and remember - all my children's names and ages, the names of all my immediate family members, my friends' names, how to add most any problem and where I put everyone else's stuff.

I depend on my teenage daughters (The Twins) to keep me up-to-date on all the current lingo and technology. If I don't understand something, say about my computer, I don't want to learn it, but I depend on one of them to navigate through my problem and solve it for me. I only request their assistance in solving the problem - not teaching me how to do it (they owe me this!). When I asked one of them the other day what "blogging" was - they did not know. I was left on my own to figure it out. I think they are smart enough to use the "I don't know" tactic to get out of helping me (as I have been known to do in their lifetime) and reached the age where they feel comfortable using this tactic. After all - there is no way to prove that they really "don't know" something. I can say firmly, "You know," and they will retort with "I said ... I don't know." That's pretty much the end of that fight. That's why I use this tactic - you can just keep saying, "I don't know, I don't know," and there is no way for someone to convince themselves that they can make you - know. Anyways - they probably totally understand this "blogging" technology and they are just leaving me hanging out here on my own to figure it out for myself. That's okay - I'll figure it out. I guess you should be careful the tactics you teach if you don't want your children to one day use them on you.

This is my first blog. It is simply a place for me to go to write down some of the crap that is in my head. I imagine I will mostly write about my children - as they are the most interesting people in my life. I also have interesting family members and some interesting friends, so on occasion I imagine I might just write a little about them. I'm not all that interesting, but I suppose every now and then I can come up with something interesting about myself. Mostly, I intend to write about The Upside. I am a consummate optimist and while I certainly sit on the fence sometimes and just watch the world - more often than not, I have an opinion and it usually has an upside.

I really appreciate the comments on yesterday's post - BOY are you guys a bunch of smart and classy women!!!! I just loved reading all of your thoughts and experiences about blogging.

I did want to make a few things clear. I love blogging. I am also in a really good place with blogging and seldom feel the frustrations I did when I first started out. I have a pretty good following and get my share of comments - I am not complaining. I also have made some of the most FABULOUS friends!

I would say that the most frustrating thing I experience now with blogging is the guilt I feel about not being able to read and comment on all the blogs I would like to - there is just not enough time in the day. And, it's not just guilt but I also miss visiting sites that I truly would like to keep up with - I miss hearing about what is going on in everyones lives.

And ... I do get a bit frustrated with the whole competitive thing. I am competitive by nature and I have to constantly remind myself that it's not a game. And, if it is a game - I am just not likely smart enough to figure out all the tactics it would take to win. But ... I do try to use all the tactics I have figured out and apply those often to help me achieve more success. And, I definitely rely on my writing. It is what I ultimately hope attracts readers and keeps readers here On The Upside.

It feels like a game, sometimes, though - doesn't it? Especially with the whole comment thing. Not only are you completely aware of the number of comments someone else has on their posts - but you are also constantly aware of your own comments - how many you got yesterday - how many you hope to get tomorrow. It's CRAZINESS! I have honestly considered closing my comments for good - but, then realize that it would cut me off from so many new readers and an easy pathway to their blogs (this is how I find so many new blogs I love to read) and also cause me to possibly lose some of my old readers - I couldn't have that! I don't want to lose readers - I don't think any of us do. What's the point of having a public blog if you aren't interested in attracting readers? I think every one of us that has a publicly viewed blog is interested in drumming up new readers and traffic. I know I am. And, the more success you have at it - the more and more you want it. It's like a drug.

What I want from my blog is for it to be a place where I can write my stories and where I can offer those stories to people who are truly interested in reading them and truly interested in me and my life. I have to admit, I honestly find it very difficult to decipher the difference. It's just not possible to determine why people come to your blog and why some stay and why some leave. You can't even be sure if people are actually reading anything.

This leads me to one other thing that bothers me about blogging and bloggers. It's knowing that there are a certain percentage that care nothing about other bloggers and their blogs. These are those bloggers that are only concerned about building their traffic and popularity - and not at all interested in supporting other bloggers. I was distinctly made aware of this fact when I went to the BlogHer '08 Conference last year in San Francisco. It was very evident that most of the bloggers there (myself included) were primarily interested in finding out ways to improve their blog traffic and recognition - not so much interested in networking (while I thought I was) (and we were all there to meet each other - that was a BLAST!).

So ... this made me realize that that is likely true of lots of bloggers and then therefore, while it is a respiratory relationship - I visit you and you visit me - in a lot of cases it is probably not "real" or "honest", in that you can't know or trust that those (bloggers) that visit your site are there because you are truly a good writer or saying things that they find impressively interesting. The only bloggers that can pretty much guarantee that their traffic is legitimate "readers" is those A-list bloggers that have reached the status of A-list because they have proven that they are either great writers or offer content that is unique or irresistible. The rest of us are simply playing a game of Russian roulette - hoping that those that visit our sites will realize that we are a blog worth reading - regardless of what they get in return.

Would I like to be an A-list blogger? The answer is - YOU BETCHA! I would love to be considered the BEST - who doesn't want that? I don't know if that will ever happen and if it doesn't it will not be the end of the world or the end of my blogging - I love blogging and I love my blog. But, I know I am not alone when I admit that I would love to be one of those bloggers that knew for certain that it was my writing and true friendships that was what was sustaining and building my traffic.

I know so many bloggers that visit me are my friends and are sincere when they take the time to come by my site, read my stories and either leave a comment or not - I KNOW they are. I'm not saying that any of the people I know are these un-attached, self promoting type bloggers. It's the primary thing that keeps me blogging - day after day. Knowing that I have found one of the greatest circles of women in the blogosphere. We support each other and I hope you know that I sincerely care about you and your families and I care about your blogs! I wish I had more time to visit and support you the way I sincerely wish I could!

I don't know what got me off on this blogging tangent this weekend - I guess I just wanted to know how you all feel. I guess I just wanted affirmation that I wasn't alone over here - hoping for the best and feeling like I'm sometimes swimming against the current - striving for honest relationships and striving for success.

Unfortunately, blogging is just like everything in this world - achieving success doesn't always just happen for the good guys. Sometimes, the good guys are left in the dust while the rule-breakers are sitting pretty at the top of the heap. And, if you think there are no rules in blogging - you are fooling yourself. There are plenty of rules and it's one of the things I pride myself on - following them as close to the letter as possible. It might not pay off in the end - but, I will always feel proud that, if it gets even better than it is, I achieved success - the right way.

I know it might seem unlikely and it might even be hard to believe, but ... I wish you and your blog the same amount of success that I wish for mine. There is room at the top for all of us. Well ... those of us that aren't willing to walk on the others to get there! And - I don't want any whiners when we get up there either - I'm sick and tired of hearing all the whining. You want my help - ask for it. You want to succeed - get out there and do the work. You want good things to happen for you - then be good to others.

One day - if and when I get to the top - I hope you are still around because I will not look down on you, I promise. I will, however, offer you a hand and do whatever I can to pull you up there with me. And, if you get there before I do - I hope you will not look down on the rest of us either. There are enough A-list (and plenty of B-list) bloggers doing that already!

-

When my twins were tiny babies - I dressed them in ruffled socks, frilly dresses with bloomers and little shoes on their tiny feet - every single day - even if we were not leaving the house.

When my twins were tiny girls - I pulled their hair into piggy tails and adorned the sides of their heads with lovely hair bows to match their outfits.

When my twins were tiny girls - I dressed them in polka dots, plaids and all the most adorable girly outfits I could find.

When my twins grew up ...

They were NOT girly girls.

They were only EVER girly girls ...

When they were too young to argue with their mother about the dresses and hair bows and ruffles.

*sigh*

I do love a girly girl.

But ...

I love a tom-boy just as much.

I love to see a girl that can throw a softball or football or basketball as good as any boy.

I love to see a girl that enjoys the outdoors and is not afraid to work up a sweat.

I love to see a girl that gets along with a group of boys as well, if not better, than a group of girls.

I don't often see my twins do anything or wear anything that would be considered "girly" - NEVER!

So ... when Chloe came to me the other day and asked me if I could help her paint her nails - I nearly fell to the floor in shock.

It was black nail polish - not pink - but ... still!

So, I sat her in a chair across from me.

I had her place her hand on my knee.

I noticed that one thumb nail was painted - pretty darn perfectly.

I said, "Why, you did a good job painting that one nail - why didn't you paint all of them? Why do you need my help?" I looked into my sweet girl's face.

She smiled.

She lowered her head.

She glanced up through long, feathery eyelashes.

She said, "I ....... taped it off," in a tiny whisper.

I heard her and visions began to skip through my mind of ... duct tape or ... scotch tape ... blue painter's tape.

I laughed.

"You TAPED it off? To put polish on your finger - you TAPED IT OFF?" I could not stop laughing at the thought of how tedious this would make this normally not-so-difficult job.

"Yes," she giggled.

"What kind of tape did you use." I was just curious.

"Electrical tape," she confessed, still giggling.

"Chloe, Chloe, Chloe ..."

On the upside ... I have never heard of any GIRL taping off her fingers (like she was painting a dining room wall) to paint her nails, but ... I have to say --- it was the most PERFECTLY painted thumb nail I've ever seen. Hardly worth the 15 minutes it took her to do it - but ... an excellent job! I need to work with that girl. I don't want anyone to find out that this is how she has been doing this. I found it ironic that she approached this very GIRLY job - thinking very much like a boy.

-

Little Billy came home from school.

The moment he walked in the house I said, "Little Billy, do you have homework?"

He runs up the stairs and stops on the third step, turns back towards me and says, "You know I have homework. I always have homework. Why do you always nag me?"

I stop what I am doing.

I put my hands on my hips.

I look right at him.

He looks back. He says, "You nag me everyday. You never nag anyone else. What about the girls? What about Alexis? Why don't you ever nag them?"

"Alexis finished her homework yesterday," I said, as I crept closer and closer to my son.

"I'm gonna do it," he moves quickly, backwards up the stairs, as he sees the nag moving quickly in his direction and says, "I've been doing it for three years," and he turns and runs, ever so quickly, up the stairs and vanishes into his bedroom.

On the upside ... The Nag let the little boy go. He was luckily spared from any further of her nagging wrath. For some reason - maybe shock - she just stood there, at the bottom of the stairs, and gazed up into space and all she could hear inside her head was the nagging thought, "If you've been doing it for 3 years ... then why am I still having to nag you to do it every single day?" The little boy was lucky to survive! THE END

I walked into the school wearing my jeans, t-shirt and tennis shoes. I signed in at the office, stuck on a yellow Volunteer sticker on my chest and made my way to my daughter's classroom. I peeked in the door and found that the class was empty, just as I had expected. I grabbed the pile of red Friday folders, positioned a teeny-tiny chair next to the slot-thingy that holds the work papers for all the kids in the class and began my Friday duty - filling the Friday folders - as I have done for, oh ... every single Friday for two months. I am ... The Friday Folder Girl.

As I am sitting, filing memos sent from the office, scored spelling tests, scored math work and beautiful first grade art work, diligently, into each of the children's folders ... the door swings open right next to where I am sitting. Keep in mind, I am on a very tiny chair and sitting practically on the ground when I look up. I see a woman I do not recognize, and she is surprised to see me. I do not say a word.

She says, "I'm here ... are you ... why are you doing the Friday folders?"

I am confused. I am sad for her that she is obviously confused. I say, "What?"

She steps into the classroom. I am now convinced that she too, is a mother, and she says, "I am here to do the Friday folders."

I am just watching her, trying hard not to laugh, because she has obviously not heard that ... I am The Friday Folder Girl. And ... I am confused as to why she is here. Have I been replaced? I can't be replaced. I'd been doing the job for 8 weeks, talked many times with the teacher and never once been informed that I had been replaced. It just doesn't work like that. Once you sign up to volunteer for something - it's your job. You can't REALLY be replaced. I was confused. I said, "What?"

She, the other mom, was now pacing and out of breath, as she had obviously RUN to get to the classroom and finding me there ... well, caught her off guard. She said, again, "I thought I was going to do the folders," this time in a more agitated tone.

I wasn't saying much. I was still sitting in the squatty chair, still working as she was pacing and talking and all I could do was watch her odd behavior and think to myself - "But ... I'M THE FRIDAY FOLDER GIRL! I'VE BEEN DOING IT FOR 8 WEEKS. I'M STILL DOING IT - SEE ... I'M SITTING HERE DOING IT - LIKE I'VE BEEN DOING FOR 8 WEEKS." I was just at a loss for words. I wanted to say these things, but her behavior was so peculiar, sort of fidgety and nervous - as if she was angry that I was there. I eventually stood up ... so as to be taller, and said, "I do the Friday folders," in a tone that said, Back off, you are acting peculiar.

She then stepped further into the classroom and said, "Well, maybe I could help you."

I DON'T need help. I've been doing Friday folders as long as I can remember for one teacher or another and the last thing I want, is to encourage this woman any further to believe that she is somehow going to "replace" me or "help" me now, or anytime. But I say, "Okay."

She helped me that day and then I e-mailed the teacher inquiring what was going on. The teacher informed me that she was very happy with me doing the Friday folders, that I was always so punctual and accurate in my work (it's not that hard), but there were a few mothers that asked to volunteer and so she suggested that maybe they could split the Friday folder duty with me. Okay, so I agree to call the other mother and set up a schedule (every other week set-up...). I don't like the new schedule, as I'd rather just know that I am expected to go in every week, than have to remember which week is mine, is this week okay for you, blah, blah, blah. But, I do it. The following week when I show up for my Friday, the teacher informs me that no one did her folders the previous Friday, because ... the other mother never showed up. No kidding?

I told the teacher that I would just keep on coming every Friday from then on out - because I am ... The Friday Folder Girl! And I did.

I don't know whatever happened to that other mother - why she never showed up again. She vanished back into the volunteer black hole as strangely as she had crawled out of it. I saw her a few times at class parties and such, but we didn't talk. I was okay with that .

On the upside ... I don't particularly like all the volunteering and stuff, but I do my share. I choose the jobs I want to do and that has to be enough to satisfy my kids, the schools and my guilt. When I'd thought I had been replaced by a younger, more limber mother ... I was prepared to fight, because ... I am THE FRIDAY FOLDER GIRL! It was a good thing it didn't come to that (*giggle*).

So ... I have not updated my blogs (enough) in a long time and that is because I am over here writing away.

I started writing again this past January. I have always written in one form or another for years, but went back to seriously writing (novels) in January and ... since then I have written 6 novels.

I know ... who writes 6 novels in 11 months?

I'll tell you why I've done such a thing ...

When I started writing in January, I had a character that I became hugely attracted to and she was determined to have me tell her story (Laney Draker). So ... I wrote the first book of her story in about 6 weeks. When I finished with the book I decided to just go ahead and continue her story, as it came so easily and she was determined not to let me be until I finished. So ... 4 books later (a total of 4 books in the series), I finished Laney's story.

It was kind of silly to write those 4 books when I hadn't even solicited agents to sell the first book. So, I stopped and began to solicit agents on the first book in the series. I didn't put a huge amount of effort in that first round of queries. It was because I honestly knew that the first book was in need of some serious edits and since I had already gone on to a new project that I felt equally confident in, I put Laney's story aside. That story is still put aside for the time being. I have a lot of confidence in Laney's story, but know that I need to invest a lot of time on revisions to make that first manuscript the best it can be and I have not set aside the time as of yet to do those edits.

So ...

I went on to my next story (and 5th book) in June. It is a totally different sort of concept than Laney's story and I got more than a little sucked into the character (Aramis) and his story and so I spent several months writing and completing that book (the first in a series, but I did not make the mistake of writing anymore in that series until I find an agent for the first book) and have been searching for an agent since September (not any luck yet). I have total confidence in this book and will continue to solicit agents until I find one.

Then ...

After I completed Aramis' story, I began another book. It is, yet again, a totally different sort of premise and the story came really quick and I, once again, fell in love with the characters (Campbell and Tristen). I completed this novel just a few weeks ago and have since been querying agents on this novel as well.

The querying process is tedious, but I am taking it seriously and spending several hours each day writing query letters to agents in an attempt to find the perfect agent for each of my books. I will go back to Laney's story soon and edit it to the point that I feel it is ready to sell, but for now ... I have started yet another book.

I am 10K words into my new story and feel the premise, plot and characters are coming together and am very excited. The characters in this new novel are Tommie and Rayn (Tommie is the girl). All of my books are YA fiction and teen romance stories. This one is set in Germany on a military base (why? you ask. Because I lived in Germany my freshman through junior year; I was an Army brat and I felt the location and many of the memories I have from that time could offer an interesting setting and details to a YA story) and so far I am loving the direction the plot is going and am becoming very attached to the characters.

So ...

That's where I am and what I have been doing. I have spent very little time blogging in the past year (and miss it like crazy), but I just have not had the time to write and blog. I know it sounds crazy to imagine me over here writing one book after another - it is CRAZY. But, these stories are just coming out of me and I am compelled to keep writing one after the other until I have reached the point where I realize that I will never write a book worth selling or I sell all of them. I can not just sit around waiting while I search for an agent for one book when there is another inside of me begging to be written, so that's why I continue to write one book after the other. Plus, I totally believe that the more books I have out there, the better my chances are for finding an agent for at least one of these stories and then hopefully the others will be picked up at some point along the way.

Today, I am sitting on my deck (gotta love Texas in November - it's like 85 degrees and beautiful), drinking coffee and writing (and editing; the editing process on my completed novels is never quite done). I have a great life and have totally loved spending this last year doing the thing I love most - writing. So, I will go now, back to writing and sending out queries.

I hope all of my blogging friends are doing well. I miss all of you and think about you often. One day I hope to get back to blogging more regularly so I can visit everyone and catch up on your lives.

-

When I wrote yesterday's post, it was right after I had had my interview on WOAI (San Antonio Living) and right after I'd seen Dooce on Good Morning America and Nightline.

I have to say - I was a bit aggravated after seeing Dooce on Good Morning America. I just wanted to wring Kathy Lee Gifford's neck for being so stupid and uninformed. I don't think I am alone in my perception of this interview - that it did little to help people further understand blogging or to shine a good light on why we blog. I thought that Dooce held her own, but I was also a bit aggravated that she did not jump out there and put Kathy Lee Gifford in her place. I would have loved to have heard Dooce a bit more aggressive about her position (while I understand why she did not).

I did, however, love the Nightline interview - it was FABULOUS!

So many people left some really great comments on my post yesterday, I thought I would highlight some quotes from each of those comments. Who better to describe the positive aspects of blogging than a bunch of seasoned bloggers!

Mamarazzi said: "Blogging has made my life brighter and better ... just from the people who touch my life and allow me to touch theirs." She also said, "and FINALLY I did not feel so alone anymore."

Joanna said: "Reading what other's go through - their ups and downs, helped pull me out of depression. I don't click too well with other people, but in bloggy world I find my peeps."

Karen said, "We share about everything, support and encourage each other and laugh and cry together. Those that don't understand just don't know what they're missing."

Angela said: "I do love blogging. It isn't easy finding friends in this world of ours. Plus, I love talking about my son."

rthling said: "One of the greatest things about blogging is meeting people I would not have otherwise met. Blogging helps us find common ground and reminds us we are not crazy for loving our kids so fiercely. And to top it off, we have an outlet for pent-up creativity."

Denise Wheeler said: "I love bragging about my kiddos." She also said, "I have made some incredible friends in my blog world."

Dani said: "When I started blogging, I had NO idea the joy that I would derive from it." She also said, "I was really just writing for the fun of it and so the my words would be somewhere for my daughter and maybe someday for my grandchild/children to read."

Bichonpawz said: "I love the new relationships and friendships I have formed through blogging."

Yvette said: "I think it helps me to have a stronger focus on my family and the things we do in our daily lives, because I'm always looking for the story. I have also met some amazing blogging friends." She went on to say, "We are an amazing group of women!"

Kelli said: "I just might consider printing this post and handing it out to those c"clueless people".

Are You Serious said: "I'm fine with being a mommy blogger."

Elaine A. said: "I started blogging just to keep family and friends up to date on the comings and goings of our family and now it has become SO much more for me. I had no idea what a wonderful community it is and now I do."

Leeann said: "I vent, I cry, I whine, I cheer, I smile, I laugh, I brag ... all through words and pictures. I am leaving a legacy for my children. The day to day things that would get pushed out of my memory ... I have forever written down. To me - that is priceless."

Mighty Morphin Mama said: "I have to say that the family of women that I have found here, the women supporting and uplifting one another has been the biggest and most wonderful surprise about blogging for me."

Karen Meg said: "It helped keep my mind from going to mush, and a big, big bonus was "meeting" wonderful women like you, on the web." She also said, "But their (our children) stories are also our stories, and I'd like to one day be able to show these kids that my blog is a love story about them, and to them. And my husband too, whether he really likes it or not. But mostly to myself, because right now in my life, it is something that I enjoy. And moms, women, are allowed that in their life too."

Kim-d said: "My life has been enriched by blogging in ways too numerous to mention." She also said, "I cherish my blogging friends, and I feel that back from them. That's why I do it. It makes me a better, happier person."

Dawn said: "I do think that Mommy Bloggers are a community with a great deal of power ... precisely because we support each other."

Suz said: "This for me is just an outlet to remember all the little things in my life that I will forget one day unless I write them down."

Tabitha said: "I never dreamed when I started blogging that I would love it so much!! I have made so many great blogging friends, and am more than happy to be a mommy blogger!!"

Julie said: "I am so happy that I have so much of the kids' lives documented, which is the main reason for blogging."

Jenn @ Juggling Life (http://jugglinglife.typepad.com/) said: "I believe someday our kids will be so happy to have these anecdote's available to share with their children."

Kari & Kijsa said: "We are moms, and bloggers too! Yea for both."

Amanda said: "No matter where you are in the world, it's nice to read that other people (mums) are going through the same things as me. Mommy bloggers rule!"

Bonnie said: "I can tell you this, I am glad to be a part of it. It is validating, rewarding, satisfying and I LOVE it. I really feel it has helped me to be a better person. I have been pretty sick this past week. Knowing I am going to write about it on my blog later helps me to be more positive about the whole experience. The support from other people is so bouying and sustaining."

Kaci said: "I tried it a while back, but then deleted my account. But, after reading Leah's blog, I said I'll give it another shot. I love it ... and hope to never stop."

Jen said: "Look out world because here come the mommy bloggers!" She also said, "I feel honored to have met such a great group of women."

Sharon said: "I have found friends that I love dearly and may never meet until we step into the other side of eternity." She also wrote, "I am proud to be called a mommy blogger."

Carl & Kathy said: "It's a way to keep in touch." She went on to say, "I've met fellow bloggers like you and I've been enriched. And I've enjoyed the creative outlet and the comments that people make. It's an all around positive experience."

Rima said: "I agree with all your points."

Melanie said: Blogging has been amazing for me. I was so lonely, staying home all day every day by myself before I started to blog. I've made some great friends, people I really consider to be my friends and I am a proud mommy blogger!

Rosemary Bogdan said: I was in a bookstore when I passed a book called, "Blogging for Dummies." I picked it up thinking, what is blogging anyway. I bought the book and read the whole thing. My older children were very amused. Are you going to start a blog, Mom? I said, maybe. I thought this would be good for me. I could learn more about computers and also practice my writing. After I finished the book I told my oldest I still had no idea what they were talking about and that I was going to read it again and see if I could glean more. He said, "Mom, don't do that. Just start your blog. You'll learn as you go along." And I did. (Although I still have a LOT to learn.)I love being a mommy blogger although I do also write on topics sometimes...Love your blog.

Nicki said: I think its awesome that blogging allows parents to tell their stories, brag about their ideas, vent their frustrations, and exchange information with others. It definitely makes the world a smaller, and more friendly, place!

So ... there you go. There are some of the reasons people (mommies) - blog.

I think Karen Meg said it best when she described one of the reasons why mommy bloggers blog. She said, "I'd like to one day be able to show these kids that my blog is a love story about them, and to them."

Me too, Karen Meg - Me too!!!

I am sneaking like a quiet little mouse into the kitchen.

In my hand I have a piece of artwork the Princess made at school.

I fold it gently, lift the lid off the kitchen trash can, shove the piece of art way down into the kitchen trash, put the lid back on the can ... and walk away. Shhhhew ... another piece of 1st grade art ... gone.

(Oh ... you think you will never do this!! You do!! But ... YOU WILL!!!)

Ten minutes later ... (*loud 6 year old girl screaming like her leg has been chopped off*)"WHY DID YOU THROW AWAY MY ART???"

She found it.

And ... this is not the first time this has happened.

I just can not keep all of this art (*sigh*). I have four kids and I have kept so much art, I could start my own museum. I have to be choosy about the art I feel needs to be stored for the next 20 years. I pick and choose the pieces I really like and the rest ... I sneak into the trash.

These kids believe and think I should be keeping ALL of their art. And, I have kept a lot. I did not want to keep this:

Now ... there is nothing wrong with this lovely piece (except now it has some sort of trash can fluid stain on it - lovely). It's beautiful, in a six-year-old-abstract-kind-of-way ... it is! I just don't LOVE it. Now, this picture she drew recently - I did keep:

I don't know why exactly. I'm not really even sure who/what it is (an elf I think) - but I LOVED it! The yellow face and all. The nice round red lips. The really skinny neck. The groovy hat. The blood-shot eyes (she gives all her people blood-shot eyes lately) - with actual yellow eye-lids. The "I Love You Mom" all over it.

I can't keep ALL the art. I know they want me too. I know they think I do. But, I can't (*groan*) and I don't.

And ... I don't keep all those d*** McDonald toys scattered around my house either. I used to keep them ... find the child they belonged to and give the toy back to be put in a toy box somewhere. I don't do that anymore. When I see one of those toys (in a wrapper or not) on a chair or on the floor ... I grab the thing and toss it in the trash. When The Princess comes to me looking for her recent McDonald's toy that I know I have probably thrown away, I say, "I don't know where it is, Hon. We'll just have to get you another one when we go back to McDonald's (TOMORROW)!"

Yep ... I throw away some of the art and I will continue to throw away that toy I find on the ground that has no monetary or sentimental value to anyone ... into the trash. And ... as each of these worthless toys and not-so-really-special pieces of art, are carted away to the landfill ... I have to admit that I do experience a small amount of guilt ... but more often ... gratitude that a few more moments of sanity are granted to me.

On the upside ... I have thrown away about as much art as I have kept. If they had pulled every piece of art I have actually thrown away, out of the trash - we'd have had to of built another house just to store it all in. She can save this piece of abstract-roller-coaster-on-a-big-grassy-field masterpiece ... I'll keep it (*note to self: buy yet another Rubbermaid storage box ... start new box for Princess' art).

I watch as he rushes down the hallway in the same pair of jeans he wore from the day before. He has the hoody on that I bought him; an Army green colored jacket that I have come to dislike - because he wears the thing nearly every day.

He races into the bathroom.

I hear him brushing his teeth.

"What are you doing?" I yell down the hallway.

"I'm brushing my teeth," he says through a mouthful of slobber and tooth paste - peeking his head around the corner of the bathroom door.

"Good," I say, amazed that he ran to do this without even being asked.

He emerges from the bathroom into the hallway and I say, "Why don't you brush your hair while you're at it, it's a mess."

He doesn't turn back to go find a brush, but runs in the other direction and screams back, "Yes ... but it doesn't stink."

"Is that why you brushed your teeth - because they stink," I yell after him.

"Yes," he screams, and he is gone in a flash, and I am certain, as I watch him vanish down the stairs that I see a swoon of dust chasing after him.

On the upside ... Stinky teeth, ratty hair, day old jeans and a hoody that I really should confiscate and donate to Goodwill, but don't because he loves the thing ... another proud moment. I am such a good mother.

Chloe and Courtney had to take a Speech summer course during the month of June.

One night, Chloe came to my room and explained, "I have to give a speech tomorrow. I have to talk about an invention. I have to come up with something - talk about why it is a good invention - why it should be made - you know?"

She stands next to my bed.

She waits.

She stays quiet.

She wants me ...

TO COME UP WITH THE INVENTION!

So ...

I begin to brain-storm.

My mind starts churning.

A bit of smoke begins to poof out of my ears.

I rattle off ...

"What about lamps with no cords."

She is not impressed.

"At least ... there needs to be cords in different colors - you know - designer lamp cords," I offer. "Cords to match the color of the floor - like wood color, " I giggle, "Or to match the carpet color."

She stays silent.

"How about colored kitty litter?" I am excited. "Like designer kitty litter - in different colors - to match your carpet," I smile real big.

She rolls her eyes.

"Like pink - to match pink carpet," I ramble, "Or blue - or purple - or gray - oh, no ... it already is gray - not gray - like red - like green ..." I can't stop smiling at my brilliant idea.

She sighs. "Who as pink carpet?" she is so negative.

"How about squeezable butter," I suggest.

"What do you mean?" she is curious.

"Like ... they have now for tomato paste." (*daughter gets a question mark above her head*) "They used to put tomato paste in cans - still do, I guess - but, they also have it in tubes now."

"What kind of tubes," she likes this idea.

"Like toothpaste tubes," I explain.

She scrunches up her face.

She walks away.

I say ...

"So what are you going to invent? Which one did you like?"

Not much response.

Then she says, "They all sound stupid - ridiculous," she is in a bad mood - hence the idea that we would let mom do the thinking for this project, but then ... we are absolutely not going to approve of any of the MAGNIFICENT ideas she might come up with.

On the upside ... I don't know what she decided on, but ... I was still yelling invention ideas out of my room and down the hallway, "Yes ... squeezable butter ... in different colors - YES - like pink and blue and purple ...... or Neapolitan - NEAPOLITAN BUTTER IN A TUBE ..." I yell ...... (*door slams shut to daughter's room*)

I am so unappreciated.

I can't even begin to describe the amount of stress we have been under in the On The Upside household during these first several weeks of school.

Man, oh man!

It is no secret in my house that I do not like:

• Rising early!


• Enforcing bedtimes!


• Packing lunches!


• Supervising reluctant children to do their homework!


• Communicating with teachers to get things straight!


• Packing lunches!


• Rising early!


• Supervising reluctant children to do their homework!

I am way better as a summertime mom - I am!

Or a Christmas-time mom!

Or a Spring-break mom!

I try to be calm and chipper and ... calm ... but, I am STRESSED!

And ... I am not chipper.

I hope that Alexis will soon relax about what we pack in her lunch and quit analyzing each and every item that goes in there! It's a process I can do without. It's taking up way more time and far more energy than I want to devote to any one task - EVER! And ... we are doing it every night - packing Alexis' lunch - just PERFECTLY! "Can you pack me pasta?" No. "Why don't you ever pack me pickles?" Get the pickles out of the fridge. "Can I take a chocolate pudding and a butterscotch pudding?" No. "Why didn't you pack me a snack?" I. Don't. Know!

I hope Little Billy eventually brings home his gym clothes to have them washed - I'm not asking that boy one. more. time! I hope he doesn't make enemies with those "bad kids" he's been telling me about - especially that one that said he 'wants to punch in somebody's face'. I hope he eventually figures out, at some point soon, that ... he is going to have to write his name at the top of EVERY SINGLE PIECE OF PAPER HE EVER HANDS IN - FROM HERE ON OUT!

And - Courtney and Chloe - I don't even know where to start, but ... I just hope we all survive their junior year in high school and that they continue to get to and from school each day -safely and without any accidents!

I'll settle down in a couple of weeks - I think.

It always takes me a minimum of 6 weeks to get back into the swing of this school thing. I won't ever actually "like" it or be all that "good" at it - but ... I will eventually adjust and adequately create the illusion that I am okay and in control.

I might even get my chipper back.

There's really no guarantee of that.

Right now ... I am just aiming at landing back on my feet, a heart rate that is more normal, stocking up on plenty of pickles and ... breathing without swallowing my tongue.

On the upside ... I'm in survival mode - like a Ninja warrior. I'll work on the chipper later.

Alexis and I are in the car, riding on the way to the grocery store.

She says, "Audrey is going to Vegas." Then she says, "She's not really going - I'm just going to pretend she is."

I say, "Why?"

She says, "Just cuz." Then she says, "You get lost in Vegas," not really talking to me, just sort of a statement.

But, I say, "Why?"

I see her face in the rearview mirror, her eyes squinting a bit and her head cocked sideways and she says, "LOST Vegas - Duh."

Silly me.

Then she begins to talk about the book she is reading at school, called The Bus Driver From The Black Lagoon. She says, "Lagoon," and then giggles. "Lagoon ... lagoon ... lagoon. I like that word. Lagoon ... la..goon ... l.a.g.o.o.n ... la..goooon ... lagoonnnnn, "she goes on for about twenty lagoons.

(*mom's eyes temporarily cross and imaginary stars floating above mom's head*)

I didn't dare ask her what this book was about - some things I just have to leave alone ...

On the upside ... Maybe that bus driver is cruising along and loses her way ... drives right off the road into a black lagoon - in Lost Vegas. I don't know. But ... I. Know. How. She. Feels!

Little Billy came in from school and dropped his backpack by the front door. On his way to the kitchen I asked, "How was school today, Little Billy?"

He opened the door to the refrigerator, stood in front of it and said, "Horrible."

I said, "Why?"

Then he said, "No - not really. It was great! It was exhilarating," and then he peeked his head into the refrigerator.

I looked over and could only see his back, as his body was behind the door and I said, "It was?" and laughed. "Do you know what exhilarating means?"

He peeked out from behind the refrigerator door, looked over at me, cracked a little smile and said, "Not really."

He grabbed the jug of milk and closed the refrigerator door and then said, "I used a big word on the bus today," he plunked the milk jug up on the counter. "So-and-so always feels the need to protect me - you know - because I'm small and all - he was saying something about how my parents wouldn't let me go to see SAW IV (which they WILL NOT, by the way!) because I'm too little and I said to him, 'Just because I'm little, doesn't mean I'm _______ (fill in blank with big word he supposedly used - but now can not remember - he thinks it might start with a P and means - 'not as small and useless as you think I am').

I laughed and said, "What was the word - pathetic?"

"No," he said.

"Was it puny?"

"No," he said.

He never remembered the big word that he used, but was proud nonetheless.

Walking out of the kitchen I turned back and said, "When you remember the word - let me know."

"Why?" he took a big swig of milk and looked across the room in my direction.

"So I'll know the word and maybe so I can use it sometime," I started walking up the stairs, "I can use it sometime, right?"

He smiled and said, "Sure," like this was very cool that I would want to use one of his words.

On the upside ... It helps if you HAVE a word - to actually USE a word. But ... in our family - we give credit for just having ever used a word at all! No need to recall it ever again. I'm very proud of him. I'm certain it was an impressive word.

One day recently, Alexis was on an exercise kick.

She came to me, out of breath and panting, and announced that she had run around the whole house. Not the interior of the house, but outside, around the whole house.

I complimented her on this accomplishment and told her that I was certain that I could not run around the whole house, easily. I warned her to be careful running in her flip-flops, as she could fall (and then I'd have to get her a d*** Band-Aid. I didn't tell her that) in flip-flops; real runners should wear sneakers or running shoes. She informed me that she could run perfectly fine in her pink Barbie flip-flops - I dropped it.

I asked her why she was running and she said, "I just feel like exercising."

She got up and went back outside, came back in panting again a short time later and announced proudly that she had now run around the house twice more. Once again, I congratulated her.

I'm pretty sure I know why she's on this sudden exercise kick, but I don't think she will say.

She is not fat, but she is fluffy; the fluffiest of any of my kids.

Here she is with her cousin - she's the fluffy one on the right - tee hee.

On the upside ... Someone has said something to her to put her on this exercise kick lately. That's okay - it won't hurt her - run Baby run.