I had a meeting at the school.
It was a ceremony where I was going to be on stage to present awards.
I had taken my time to pick out a nice skirt and sweater and even chose the perfect pair of high heels - for the occasion.
I fixed my hair and makeup, put on my jewelry and touch of perfume and went downstairs to leave.
As I was about to walk out of the front door, my little son, sitting at the dining room table doing his homework, looks me up and down and says, "Hey, Mom. You look small."
I looked at my husband - standing next to me by the front door and we laughed. I said, "Small's good," and we laughed again.
I left my house believing and feeling that this was a compliment - while offered by a 10 year old boy that generally has no clue what he is talking about - about anything - I was feeling SMALL and that made me quite happy.
So ... the night progressed, the ceremony commences, I presented the awards - speeches were made - pictures were taken ... and we went home.
As we entered my house, I turned to my mother - who was also at the awards ceremony - and asked, "How did I do? Did I do okay? Did I look okay up there?"
Now ... keep in mind. My mother is always complimenting me on this thing or that and always generous with her compliments. She is, however, often ... just as generous with her ... MEAN OBSERVATIONS! Also ... keep in mind that she has been dieting for the past several months on Jenny Craig and has shrunk quite a bit - thinks she's SOMTHIN' ELSE!! She says, "You did good. But ... you looked sorta fat."
(*Awkward pause*)
(*blink-blink*)
"FAT!" I screamed. How could I look SMALL to the 10 year old boy just hours before and FAT to my shrinking-Jenny-Craig-dieting-mother NOW? I said it again, "FAT?"
"Well, maybe it was that you were wearing a shorter skirt than you usually would wear," she begins to try to SAVE HERSELF!
"I didn't look fat?" it was more a question than a statement.
"You looked fine," she said, and then she opened the door - and went home. Leaving me and my FAT self standing there in the foyer by the front door.
I raced around the house looking for my husband. He had the camera. "Did you take any pictures of me tonight," I was frantic. He indicated that he had and so I took the camera from his grasp and RACED LIKE A MAD WOMEN UP TO MY BEDROOM TO VIEW THE PICTURES. SEE IF ... IT WAS TRUE!!! SEE IF IT WAS TRULY POSSIBLE THAT I HAD JUST STOOD UP ON THE STAGE OF MY GIRLS' HIGH SCHOOL IN FRONT OF ALL THOSE PEOPLE - A BIG FAT BLOB!!
I sat at my desk, flipped on the power button to the camera and sat there scrolling through the pictures of the night until ... I came to those of me.
On the upside ... It's true - I looked fat! There's no upside here - nope - none at all.
(*Note to self: NEVER EVER, EVER take the word of a 10 year old boy! The word small to a 10 year old boy, when describing how you look, is most likely not a good thing. Next time ... ask the boy, "Small? Small compared to what -----A HIPPOPOTAMUS?")
(*Additional note to self: Avoid wearing short skirts - not that the skirt had a thing to do with your FATNESS - but avoid them nonetheless!)