We had called a meeting.
We were to meet at a small sandwich shop for lunch.
I got dressed in a comfortable and yet stylish outfit, with matching shoes, purse and jewelry. I did my hair and makeup. I grabbed my PTA binder and got into my big blue van ... and drove off happily to lunch.
When I pulled up to the shop I could see that my friend was already inside, as I could see her standing just behind the store front windows. I searched and searched for a parking spot, but the lot was full. I drove down the side street, but the street was full as well. I returned to the front of the shop and decided (naively) that I could manage to maneuver my BIG BLUE VAN into the only spot now available - a parallel spot.
This is when the humiliation began (*sigh*).
*eeeeeeeeee* - No, I'm not quite right - back up. *eeeeeeeeeeeee* - Back up a bit and then forward and then back - *eeeeeeeeeeeee* - Look in my rear view mirror, look at the curb - still not at all right - *eeeee eeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeee* - Now it is even worse ... back out and try again. *eeeeeee eee ee* - Look in my mirrors, look out every window - back up, pull forward - look at the people in the shop staring at my futile attempt to park this BIG D**** BLUE VAN! Pull all the way out and try it again.
This went on faaaar too long. I never did get in the spot straight. I failed ... to properly ... parallel park.
But, I left it that way (part of the van in the spot and part of it out - at an extreme angle) and stepped out of my BIG BLUE VAN, got my purse and binder and walked as proudly as I possibly could into the shop. As I moved through the front door, I could see my friend (a VERY tall blond) standing with another woman that I know (another VERY tall blond) and I waddled over. In my head I was saying, "That was me ... the moron in the parking lot trying to park that BIG BLUE VAN in that little tiny parallel spot - did ya see me? Am I ridiculous or what?" But, I didn't say that out loud. I went with the tactic of trying to laugh the whole thing off (I'm so silly), as I felt like a high school Drivers-Ed flunky and looked like (standing next to ... two, perfectly pink flamingos) -well ... like a very short PTA mom, holding her PTA binder and rather ... pelican like.
I should have never tried to park in that spot! I knew I could not park in that spot! What made me think I could get that BIG BLUE VAN into that spot?
I, at all costs, avoid, every single other time in my life, parking in parallel parking spots! But on this day, in front of a wall of windows and customers sitting contently at their tables and in full view of two of the most beautiful flamingos - I proved ... once again ... that I am incapable of parrellel parking, and also ... that I am certainly no flamingo.
A flamingo would have never tried such a ridiculous manuvere! A flamingo would have sat gracefully by, in a sleek convertible of some sort ... and waited for the next reasonable spot. A pelican bird, on the other hand ...
On the upside ... When lunch was over and I waddled on out, on my short pelican-like legs, to my BIG BLUE VAN - I pulled out just fine. It was at the exact perfect angle to just back on out and ... fly the h.e.c.k ... outta there!