Mothers, more often than not, put the needs and happiness of their children before their own. It's not a choice was make, it's just nature. It's like that mother duck - she knows all those little ducks are following her and every now and then I know she must turn around and count them to make sure they are all still there behind her. She probably inspects their little bodies to make sure each is getting the exact amount of food they should be getting to survive and if they are not, she will give them hers. I'm sure she scolds them if they wander off and panics when she can't find one and then she will go to the ends of the ocean in search of her lost duckling.
If it were a daddy duck left with this year long nurturing responsibility, I imagine there might just be a lost duckling now and then and he may even say, "Oh well, he should have kept up. Come on guys, let's get some grub." (Maybe I'm wrong about this theory).
I am the disciplinarian in our family. I know one reason Billy has left this daunting responsibility to me - because he is smarter than I am. It's another one of those things he figured out years ago. He realized that it was way too important to risk failure (the most important thing of all!) and he was smart enough to back away. I was just stupid enough to think I could handle the job and accepted the responsibility willingly.
And it's not like Billy is completely absent - he just stands far enough away from the line of fire to not get hit and close enough in case I really need him. But, truth be told, I'm the mean one and he's the nice one in our family. I've been known to say, "I know they think I'm mean. I know they may even hate me sometimes. And their father is the nice one. I don't care. If it gets them to where I think they need to go, that's okay with me. They don't have to like me, as long as they are successful and confident and completely sure of their convictions when they go out into the world.
My daughter, Chloe, said to me, in a recent serious talk we had, "I don't think you realize that you are at the top of my list of people that I care about ... the very top person. I care more about what you think of me than anyone else."
This is the most important comment any of my children have ever said to me.
It is exhausting keeping my children in that line - on that straight path. This comment Chloe made was her way of making me realize that she listens and trusts what I say. It was, to me, important because it was the first time I actually felt like someone had given me a high-five ... for being a mother. Her saying this, said that I was as important to her as she is to me and that is huge. To have my child see me ... as relevant, to not only her survival, but to her success, is monumental in the scheme of raising my children.
It's not easy to admit that I could reach the point of actually believing that any of my children might harbor hateful feelings towards me because they don't quite understand my motives and good intentions. Hopefully, one day, they will realize that all those lessons that seemed so mean or strict were just me ... frantically searching to the ends of the ocean ... to bring them back.
On the upside ... I am certain that it will all be worth it - totally certain!