I imagine that one day I will stand in front of God and He will say, "So, here you are." He will then open His big book and announce, "Let's see how you did." And, I am sure I will not say a word.
Then He will ask, "How do you think it went? Are they happy - your children? Did they succeed in the world? Are they good and loving people?"
And I hope I will be able to answer honestly, "I did the best that I could do. They are happy. They are successful. And they are good and loving people." And then I hope that God will pat me on my back and I will go on my way.
But who knows? I would suspect that when my children are called to stand in front of God and he asks,"How did it go? Was she a good mother?" that my children may have a different slant on the whole thing and God may very well just summon me back.
Years ago, when my twins were small, we were traveling to the Corpus Christi beach one summer. In the van with us was my Aunt Don, my mother's sister, in the front passenger's seat next to me. One of my daughters was complaining from the back seat that the sun was shining through the window into her eyes and she cried, "Mama, the sun is in my eyes." I said, "Just wait a little bit and it will move," knowing full well that the sun would move when our van followed the curve of the road in such a direction that the sun would move away from her window. When this indeed happen a short time later, I heard my little daughter turn to her sister and say, "See ... Mama can move the sun." I turned to my aunt and said, "See ... I can move the sun."
Sometimes I can move the sun and then sometimes I can't conjure up even simple answers. Why is bird poop white? But ... I have tried. I have tried to see what my children see and hear what they hear. I try to listen to them, respond to their every need, encourage them, and guide them. I have tried.
When the Princess was two years old, she came to my room one morning, climbed up onto my bed, got real close to my face and said, It's me. It's me (The Princess) - your tiny girl." I hadn't asked her who she was, I was asleep until I heard her words, but I was happy to see her. I would tell people this story and always say, "And she is ... my tiny girl."
You can't teach children to be this special. You can only hope that you are awake to hear the wonderful things they might say to you and look into their eyes and see their specialness.
I'm not the best mother and I'm not the worst mother. I'm somewhere in between. I strive to be better and I hope that counts for something when I stand in God's presence. I hope he realizes that I often did take time to ... hear them. To see them. And as for the rest ... I sincerely hope that I will be able to say ... "I did the very best that I could do".