One day recently, Little Billy came home from school and begged to go over to a friend's house to play.
I became frustrated.
It was a school day and not common for him to be allowed to go to his friends' houses after school.
He continued to beg and plead. He promised that he had no homework and went on and on about how the friend was expecting him - depending on him.
I continued to be frustrated, but eventually I gave in.
I put on my shoes, grabbed my purse and took him.
In the car, on the drive to the friend's neighborhood, Little Billy thanked me profusely. He was extremely delighted and seeing the delight in his mood - it made me happy.
When we entered the neighborhood of the friend, Little Billy requested that he be dropped off at the neighborhood park, as that is where his friend said he would be.
I drove into the parking lot of the park, where there were 5 boys that my son was friends with. Little Billy became even more excited.
"Thanks, Mom! Thank you for letting me come and play with my friends," he threw his arms around my neck, hugged me hard and then jumped out of the car.
I rolled my window down and called my son back. I also called my son's friend over. I gathered information about their plans and I offered instructions to my son. The boys ran off toward the park.
I tried to drive away.
I backed out onto the street, but I could not make my car move away from the park. I turned around. I drove up and down the street a few times. I inspected the area - the houses, the cars - the boys.
When I drove back near the park, I rolled my window down again and my son ran over to the fence. "What's wrong?" he yelled. "Don't you know how to get out of here?"
I did not indicate my worries. I did not let on that I was uneasy - uncomfortable. I merely offered additional instructions to my son and then said, "I love you, Little Billy - have fun with your friends - and be a good boy."
Driving away, I could see my son across the parking lot, playing in the park with his friends. He was laughing and jumping and running. He was happy.
I drove off, but ...
When I glanced up into the rear view mirror ... I was surprised to see the eyes of a lonely mother that ...
On this day ...
Was finding it very hard to ... let go.