Yesterday ... The Boy and I got into it after school about his homework. Needless to say, the conversation escalated to the point that I was talking very loudly (screaming). This does not happen routinely with The Boy, especially where he screams back. He's usually pretty easy-going and does much of what he is told. But ... yesterday he was screaming back because he absolutely DID NOT want to do something that I felt he should do. We went round and round and round - for at least twenty minutes.
I began to get very very very very frustrated with him. I threw down the papers and yelled, "Fine ... if you don't want my help, fine! I don't care if you ever do your homework. Go back to school with it not done - fail for all I care." These words, however loud and inappropriate, did not phase him. He kept right on yelling. He WAS NOT going to do what I felt needed to be done.
I was not handling this situation to the best of my ability (obviously). I was a bit out of control (just a tad). And so was he. Worse than I've ever seen him. I did not think I was going be able to get him to back down - to settle down - to AGREE with me. So ... at some point in this heated discussion I said, "If you refuse to obey - do as I say, because this is my house and if you're going to live here, you are going to do what I say ... well then, I will just have to send you off to military school. That's where they sometimes send boys that won't listen to their mothers." Yep ... I said it. You should have seen the look in his eyes.
I was, at first, proud that I had found "the words" (I am forever unsure what they will be or if I am capable of finding them) to back this child down. Then ... I was sad. Sad that I had threatened "sending him away" and sad that he believed me (I can certainly look and act pretty scary - been working on those techniques for 15 years). He became immediately quiet. As did I.
We proceeded, after "the words" to have a very productive homeworking session. He was settled, I was settled and we got through it - together - not another raised voice or mean word.
Later, I went to his room and hugged him. I said, "Thanks for working so hard on your homework. Thanks for getting it all done. Thanks for doing what I think you should do. And ... I would never send you away to military school - unless you were REALLY out of control - like on drugs or hitting me and stuff (I'm an idiot). And, you are not out of control. You are a good boy." He hugged my neck tightly and said, "I'm sorry I yelled at you too."
I'm just wingin' it over here - I am telling you. Sometimes the words that come out of my mouth .... sometimes the anger I am riled to (Dr Phil would have been so ashamed of me - not that I really care what he thinks - if he'd have been there, I'd have likely kept right on yelling and then been invited to be on his "Really Bad Mothers" episode in the near future).
God ... put your hand over my stupid mouth and give me that patience I have been praying for ... FOR YEARS!
On the upside ... It did work - he did do the homework (I know, I know - not the best way to go about it, blah, blah, blah...).
*Note: The child in the picture above, sticking his tongue out at the camera ... that's The Boy, only he's now 8 years older. He still has a sweet little face and smile, but it was not the 2 year old I was yellin' at - just so you know.